ARLINGTON, Va. — Local restaurant the Green Garden began serving mocktails which are perfect for the person who doesn’t want to drink, but still wants…
Mötley Crüe frontman Vince Neil definitely has a troubled history with driving. He came under fire in late 1984 for an incident in which he…
CHICAGO — A new sleep study released today by DIY Labs confirmed that your current level of inebriation is woefully inadequate for a punk’s night’s…
DENVER — Local metalhead Nick Landon, 35, carefully considered his answer after his primary care physician asked him how many alcoholic drinks he consumes in…
CASPER, Wyo. — Municipal Waste fan Dylan Medina was shocked and disgusted after remembering that he drank responsibly at local bar Shooter’s last night, sources…
MANITOWOC, Wis. — Brooding songwriter Evan Stone’s dark, deep, and lonely creative process was seen mostly as an excuse to get day drunk on a…
CHICAGO — Local baseball fans and metalheads discovered that they shared an affinity to drink in parking lots, while one group was pregaming for death…
Move over, California sober — There’s a new form of pseudo-sobriety in town and I’m leading the charge. It’s called “Lexapro sober” and I definitely…
DULUTH, Minn. — Exasperated coworkers of punk Jimmy Alpin threatened to quit after watching his work ethic repeatedly be eclipsed by his drinking ethic, sources…
NEW YORK — A groundbreaking new study from Columbia University seemingly proves that the sound of music abruptly ending with a record scratch upon entering…
NEW YORK — Total loser Jay Draboll plans to spend his entire New Year’s Eve partying with friends in what will be deemed an unforgettable…
I think I finally found my career: touring musician! It’s been a long, strange path, but I have put in years of work, and it’s…
The holidays are a difficult time for many people, but especially for losers who no one loves or even thinks about. For a lot of…
Should we really let “society” determine when it is and is not appropriate to get a nice buzz on? The answer is categorically yes, if…
NEW ORLEANS — A weekly Alcoholics Anonymous Meeting was recently attended by all three former members of the band Cyanide Churro, who individually arrived hoping…