TRANSYLVANIA — Acclaimed spook-punk band Alkaline Trio announced a purely symbolic tour date in remote settlement “The Village of Unspeakable Horrors” during their ongoing “Blood,…
HELP! Please you have to do something, I’m not sure how much time I have left until I turn. As you can see, I’ve clearly…
WASHINGTON—Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-CA) was briefly hospitalized earlier this week after a reported altercation with legendary vampire hunter Van Helsing, multiple Beltway insiders confirmed. “Oh,…
Please allow me to introduce myself, I’m a man concerned with global warming. My name is Orlov von Maximoff, a former Romanian count, but you…
Girl, you know I want to see you happy. You deserve it. You deserve gold-plated diamonds, dogs made out of money, and that promotion you’ve…