Tim Sheard
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NEW YORK — Columbia University agreed to re-hire several prominent phrenologists in a bid to quell President Trump’s threat of…
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Mark Danowsky
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PHILADELPHIA — Local 39-year-old Dwight Jenkins went on a series of tirades decrying “Gen Z’s endless string of luck” and…
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LOS ANGELES — A leaked memo from high-ranking law enforcement officials encouraged officers on the street tasked with confronting protesters…
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Justin Cummings
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NEW YORK — President Donald Trump vowed to bring sweatshops back to the US by reverting chic loft apartments, confirmed…
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Steve Packosky
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WASHINGTON — The nation’s fans of progressive metal band Dream Theater stormed the Capitol after the price of Real Dolls,…
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WASHINGTON — Vice President JD Vance can barely conceal his excitement at the prospect of getting “Two whole Christmases!” this…
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Justin Cummings
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NEWARK, Ohio — Local man John Regan went on a 20-minute tirade about gasoline prices while live streaming from his…
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Dicky Stock
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PALM BEACH, Fla. — Despite existing only as a series of crudely sketched plans on cocktail napkins and one AI-generated…
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Matt Husser
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WASHINGTON — Kid Rock capped off his concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with a…
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Stephen Bell
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KENT, Ohio — President Donald Trump announced he’d be awarding the Medal of Honor to those brave National Guardsmen who…
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