LOCKPORT, N.Y. — Local 35-year-old man Richard Colburn recently came to the stark realization that he will never again experience joy like he did watching…
OLATHE, Kan. — Local 34-year-old Gareth Tabbler was somehow eligible to receive food stamps despite already having three full-time jobs, according to sources concerned for…
Life is great and all, but after 30 years or so of it, a certain apathetic malaise starts to set in. The day-to-day grind starts…
HARTFORD, Conn. — Elder millennial Thomas Sharpe is reportedly in “critical and deteriorating condition” after erroneously believing that his haggard husk of a body could…
SOUTHBRIDGE, Mass.–Newly 40-year-old man Gregory Chaudhari is experiencing a new type of mid-life crisis like many others his age–the inability to afford one. “In my…
LAS VEGAS — Increasing demand for Ibuprofen following When We Were Young 2, a festival targeting millennials who desperately want to relive their best years,…
For god sake, somebody help me! A minute ago I was sitting down at a cute cafe for a blind date my friend set me…
NEWTON, Mass. — Local man Jim Conelly announced today that due to aging out of the St. Patrick’s Day bar scene, he would be spending…
MORGANTOWN, W.Va. — A new study revealed that the average millennial has heard the intro to the Minutemen’s classic “Corona” around 25,000 times by the…
SAN DIEGO — Aging millennial Tim Baxter announced that he fell in love with a girl at a much less expensive rock show after being…
HALSINGLAND, Sweden — A new study revealed that the vast majority of individuals aged 26 to 42 consider the acid cult that kills people featured…
SEATTLE – Members of the seminal and often troubled emo band Grass Is Greener are reportedly getting back together after hearing what similar bands are…
JESSUP, Md. — Depressed, despondent millennial Harry Chalke confused those around him when he unwittingly quoted Beck’s “Loser” while summarizing his current state of mental…
SAN DIEGO — Local breadwinner and career bassist Clarissa Khatri announced a leave of absence from his day job after being forced to work through…