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Review: Superjoint Ritual “Use Once and Destroy”

Each week, The Hard Times travels back and reviews a notable album from the past. This week we’re taking a look at Superjoint Ritual’s debut album, “Use Once and Destroy.”

Call me a rule follower, but when an album title tells me to do something, I respectfully comply. When System of a Down came out with “Steal This Album!” in 2002, I did it (and was immediately caught by a Target security guard and sentenced to 40 hours of community service). When Taking Back Sunday released “Tell All Your Friends,” I did just that (and immediately lost said friends and earned the nickname “Mascara Boy.”)

When the Hard Times asked me to review Superjoint Ritual’s “Use Once and Destroy,” I was excited for the opportunity. Eager to do my best on the assignment, I listened to the album once. Then I smashed it with a hammer, ran over it with a riding lawnmower, and pissed on it.

Well, excuse me for being a stickler for following directions, but my editors were not thrilled with my critical method. Apparently a music reviewer is expected to listen to the album as often as possible over an extended period of time, not to play to it once while folding laundry before running it through a wood chipper.

So the fact that I can barely remember anything about this album or what it sounded like is my fault?!? If you ask me, the only mistake I made was that I should’ve done the woodchipper bit before taking a big ol’ steaming leak on it. That was kind of gross.

I mean, I remember some of it. It was loud and abrasive. Phil Anselmo was shouting a lot of shit that he probably worked really hard to justify as not being about white supremacy. And I think there was a song called “The Alcoholik,” but that part of the album is a little hazy because I took it as a recommendation to chug a bottle of whiskey.

I suppose I have to take some of the blame on this one. My bad, guys. On the bright side, this wasn’t quite as disastrous as that time I was asked to review Metallica’s “Metal Up Your Ass.” I’m still paying off those hospital bills.

Score: 2 out of 5 pissed-off editors