Reviews

Review: Quicksand “Distant Populations”

The all-mighty Quicksand are back with their fourth full-length album spanning their 31-year career. It’s their second with Epitaph and the album is another post-hardcore work of art from the New York legends.

Before I get to the full review of this album I would just like to take a moment to address the terrible service I recently had at Prince Seafood Buffet in Los Angeles.

As soon as I walked in they started screaming at me to put shoes on. Sorry, I forgot my fucking shoes at my apartment. I had just come off a long day of listening to new releases and I just wanted to relax a bit. My shoes got left at home, and I stepped on a sharp rock in the parking lot so my foot was kind of bloody, sue me. These pricks didn’t even have a pair of shoes they could loan me. I had to go back to my car and duct tape a couple of old t-shirts around my feet to make a makeshift sandal, and finally, they allowed me to enter their precious restaurant.

They scoffed at me when I told them I would be eating alone. I informed them that I’m a respected music journalist and often that makes friendships difficult. After what seemed like four hours of explaining my profession I was finally given a plate and allowed to eat. But as soon as I started grabbing handfuls of lobster, crab, shrimp, and clams they started yelling at me again to use the utensils, and that they have “Covid-19 protocols” that I’m “directly violating.” The stress of this gave me a nose bleed and I accidentally bled over a lot of the buffet. What pissed me off was the fact that they tried to charge me for all the food I “ruined.” I’m sorry, but if I don’t eat it then I don’t pay for it.

When I was finally allowed to eat my food I had a slight allergic reaction. Yes, I’m allergic to shellfish, and yes my face swells up to twice it’s normal size anytime I eat lobster, but it tastes so fucking good. None of the staff would jab me with an EpiPen, so I had to do it myself before I passed out and asphyxiated. I kept explaining to management that I know a couple of the guys from The National and that I’m fine to continue eating, but they kicked me out anyway.

I’m giving Prince Seafood Buffet 0 stars, and I’m giving this new Quicksand album 5 out of 5 delicious lobsters.

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