This week we decided to take a look at AFI’s trace-punk opus “Bodies,” and in the process we were whisked away on a magical journey to a far-off and frightening land called Spooky World. Here’s our tale.
Near immediately after the first note of the album sounded we were interrupted by a talking crow, who cacawed that we should follow it to fulfill the prophecy. Seeing as we didn’t have much else to do that day, we agreed and the crow grasped us in its crow’s feet (we think they’re called bird hooks) and flew us into the horizon.
After several minutes, which from our perspective seemed to encompass the totality of recurring eternities, we arrived in a dark and hollow land the crow told us was called Spooky World. It also told us that Spooky World had come under constant threat by an insidious necromancer named Devil Dan.
“You see,” the crow explained, “Spooky World requires a precise balance of spookification to maintain itself, and Devil Dan has been trying to upset that balance to out-spook the Goblin Lords, the rightful rulers of Spooky World. Every night, which is all the time because it’s always night here, Devil Dan sends out his army of pumpkin apes to attack the cobweb people of south Spooky World, and spread about the witchroot plague to every corner of the land.”
It was at this point that we told the crow to hold the fuck on because that all sounds like way too much and, let’s be frank, kind of like none of it was real or sane. We argued with the crow for a bit before just giving up and informing it we really had to get back to the office so we could finish our “Bodies” review.
“Oh crap,” the crow gasped. “You’re reviewing ‘Bodies!’ I meant to grab the guy reviewing ‘The Art of Drowning.’”
We all had a good laugh after realizing the crow’s mistake and he gladly returned us to The Hard Times offices promptly. It was an odd journey that we took to Spooky World, but one we will surely not forget anytime soon.
Anyways though, “Bodies” – eh, it’s alright.
SCORE: 3 out of 5 talking crows