20. The Specials “A Message To You Rudy”
Ah, what a classic! Not only is this the song that got us into ska in the first place, it’s also the song that got us into cheese sticks. Mostly due to the ad for microwavable cheese sticks that popped up when we watched the video on YouTube.
19. Ska-P “Niño Soldado”
This song is in Spanish but we only speak one language and it’s whatever language gets us cheese sticks. So I guess Spanish works too. …Hey, mom??? When will the, uh, “palito de queso” be ready???
18. The Urge “Jump Right In”
This ska/alt-rock combo is the perfect encapsulation of the ’90s as far as we’re concerned. Add in the feature from 311 frontman Nick Hexum and you’ve got a recipe for success. It’s the second-best recipe in the world, right below “fry plus cheese plus stick.”
17. Bedouin Soundclash “Walk Through Fire”
This chill-yet-bouncy little number reminds us of sitting on a beach last year on vaca with Mom and Steve. We threw a tantrum because none of the restaurants in Larvotto Beach served cheese sticks.
16. Bomb The Music Industry “Hits Set”
This song perfectly represents the beautiful chaos that goes through our mind when we hear that Steve forgot to order earlier and just finally called the fucking restaurant. God fucking dammit, Steve!
15. Mad Caddies “Road Rash”
This song sounds like kickflipping in the middle of a swing dance lesson. Needless to say, the only way to make that scenario better is a fistful of piping-hot cheesy heart-cloggers. If they don’t come soon we hope Mom divorces Steve for not ordering sooner.
14. Kill Lincoln “Figure It Out, Summer Sanders”
This chaotic earworm makes us simultaneously want to shove loads of choke-able appetizers down our throat while running full sprint towards a pick-up game of four square, which we’re about to dominate thanks to the power of this song.
13. The Interrupters “She’s Kerosene”
If cheese sticks were kerosene then we’d be the match. That’s something we’ve known ever since we hit play on this song. Typically, we enjoy our mozzy stickys while rollerblading or maybe jumping through a sprinkler. However, this song makes us add slo-mo skanking to the activity list.
12. The Hippos “Lost It”
Let’s fucking gooooo! That’s how we feel the moment this song kicks in and it’s also what we wish we could scream at the delivery driver. Those sticks better still be warm when they get here.
11. Suburban Legends “Popular Demand”
With lyrics about waking up late, skipping class, and making a case for never having to work hard ever, it’s no wonder we relate so much to this song. Put this one on repeat and keep the cheese sticks coming.
10. Mustard Plug “Box”
This bouncy little number just screams “working up a hunger by rollerskating that only a block of fried cheese can vanquish.” Every rail we try and fail to grind just brings us closer to raining cow goo down on our stomach lining. Oh, is that a gross image? Well, the band is called “Mustard Plug” so we don’t know why this shocks you.
9. Big D & The Kids Table “My Girlfriend’s On Drugs”
Our big brother has a girlfriend. She always eats way more cheese sticks than we’re comfortable with. We’re pretty sure she’s on drugs.
8. Mighty Mighty Bosstones “Let’s Face It”
This anti-racism anthem shows ska’s progressive side while proving once and for all that you can fight injustice while swing dancing. This song has a breakdown that’s almost as crunchy as the cheese sticks from Sergio’s, which is where she and Steve better have ordered from.
7. I Voted For Kodos “On the Phone”
Out mouth is watering just from the opening, which is a booming ska mosh part mixed with high school marching band horns, setting up the perfect soundscape for the bass solo in the bridge and also for shoving fried cheese in my gullet. Hurry up!
6. Less Than Jake “Last One Out Of Liberty City”
This song tells the tale of someone leaving their hometown and never looking back, which is exactly what we’re gonna do if the cheese sticks are cold by the time they get here.
5. Streetlight Manifesto “Failing, Flailing”
Emphasis on “flailing” because that’s what this song makes our body do because of how excited it gets us. Plus, the layers of campfire-style vocals in the bridge make us want to throw a tantrum unless Mom and Steve let us bring more friends over and also order way more mozzy stickys. Streetlight Manifesto is a ska band by the way.
4. Catch 22 “Dear Sergio”
This lightning-fast ska banger hits fast and hard and ultimately leaves you exhausted and out of breath. Even the production and loose performance add to “Dear Sergio” being a near-perfect song to eat cheese sticks too. Unfortunately, that’s impossible because this makes it really hard to safely chew that delicious cheese without choking. I guess that’s why they call it a Catch-22.
3. Rancid “Time Bomb”
This peppy, dance-able tale about a drug runner getting murdered is the perfect musical tapestry to accompany a deep-fried log of spoiled cow juice. Mom and Steve better have ordered enough for all our friends.
2. Goldfinger “Superman”
Most people know this song from endless sessions of Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater but we know this song from endless sessions of stick-gorging. Someday we will land an ollie while this song plays. And if a cheese stick is hanging out of our mouth like old of our big brother’s cigarettes, we will die happy, likely from choking on cheesy treats.
1. Reel Big Fish “Somebody Hates Me”
This song sounds like the perfect combination of zany 3rd wave ska and Saturday morning cartoon theme song music. It’s the PERFECT song for eating moz sticks. In fact, it’s the exact song we want playing when mom finally brings those sweet, salty sticks. Oh boy, here she comes! This is the absolute best moment for me, a 40-year-old man who still lives with his parents.