A new scientific study conducted by you, your roommate’s unemployed boyfriend, and your dog Rocco via contact high, has concluded that the cops are outside…
MARION, Iowa — Local woman Richelle Sumner has undertaken the responsibility of helping her friends learn more about themselves through her tarot card readings, despite…
ATLANTA — ICE agents arrested longtime Atlanta-based hip-hop duo Outkast last night, and are preparing to deport both members back to their home nation of…
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
Hollywood’s Unattainable Beauty Standards Are Damaging to Ugly, Up-and-Coming Serial Killers Like Me
It’s hard out here for a serial killer. I have to plan every detail, cover my tracks, choose the perfect victim, and remember to save…
PASADENA, Calif. — Local parent Kevin Westfall told his son Danny last week that Danny “had a great set,” despite only being present for the…
BOSTON — Longtime scene veteran Tom Williams wistfully pined yesterday for his scene’s bygone era that featured rampant, unprovoked stabbings, lamenting the decreasing rate of…
It is unlikely that you needed convincing, but Michael Cohen’s bombshell testimony to Congress this week has firmly cemented what we’ve all known all along.…
SARGENT’S PURCHASE, N.H. — Local punk rocker and first-time mountain climber Danny Trumble died tragically yesterday after using his carabiner keychain for climbing purposes, devastated…
Greetings, fellow wanderer. Are you homesick for a land you’ve never visited? If so, you may be stricken with a condition called wanderlust. I first…
HARRISBURG, Pa. — Local man Aaron Garcia risked the loss of a potentially lifelong friendship last night over a nearly immeasurable chance of hooking up…
Dear Scabby: I’ve been in love with my best friend for about 5 years. But only just recently got the guts to admit it, but…
DALLAS — Local bank robber Kevin Rice’s alleged attempt at a heist late yesterday evening was thwarted when he was mistakenly identified as a fifth…
For more than two decades, Silicon Valley has served as the global center of high technology and workplace innovation, dictating the way virtually every industry…
VATICAN CITY — The decade of life previously known as one’s 30s was rebranded last week and will now be known as one’s “post-20s,” according…
In the cultural event of the century this upcoming Ska tour will feature EVERY SKA BAND STILL TOGETHER. Ska was the dominant art form from…