MENLO PARK, Calif. — Meta CEO Mark Zuckerberg, medical pioneer who received the world’s first experimental rat penis transplant, announced today that the social media…
ITHACA, N.Y. — A recent study by Cornell University found that a striking one out of five local metal band t-shirts ends up inside an…
I’ve made some questionable choices in my life, the biggest one being that I really thought that living and dying in South Detroit was a…
THE LABYRINTH — Residents of a crust punk house were seemingly unaware that they were inhabiting the Cenobite dimension, terrified sources confirmed. “I woke up…
PALO ALTO, Calif. — A new report out of Stanford University reported that 70% of the average punk’s hydration is sourced from the melted ice…
Listen to any random musician giving an award acceptance speech and there’s about a 9/10 chance you will hear that artist thanking their fans, perhaps…
WASHINGTON — Frontman Abha Alvarez of punk band Kissinger’s Prostate disappeared suddenly and was replaced with unknown musician Holden Everett mid-tour after Alvarez performed a…
New year, new you, right? Wrong. You’ve spent the past week essentially maintaining your increasingly sad status quo despite several drunken proclamations to do the…
OLYMPIA, Wash. — Local drone metal fan Judson Riley reportedly came in 27 minutes early with his air guitar at a recent show, embarrassed sources…
Your parents are kind of like real-life superheroes when you’re growing up, so when they sit you down at the tender age of 26 to…
NEW YORK — Metal frontman and former singer of Twisted Sister Dee Snider celebrated four decades of being seen as a metal icon for no…
TAMPA, Fla. — Local 19-year-old Cody Carson reportedly declared his advanced vape expertise by writing “mechanic” on his otherwise quite short resume, confirmed sources. “Yeah,…
You’re home for the holidays! Though your parents would cut off a limb to spend any amount of quality time with you, the first thing…
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Continuous go-getter Henry Rollins recently employed the services of a TaskRabbit professional to ask him questions about his varied projects and interests…
You might be a squatter, but it’s just to keep the rebellious new wave, CBGB, Lower East Side spirit alive. Squatting in houses of families…