As we all know, “woke” culture has permeated nearly all facets of our American way of life, soaking through to the very fabric of our…
LOS ANGELES — Legendary rock musician Sting has finally neared climax in a round of sexual intercourse that originally began in 1994, according to sources…
WASHINGTON — Israel’s Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu visited President Trump at the White House today and gifted him the remains of an infant killed by…
SAN ANTONIO, Texas — Local right-wing conservative Tom Rospin wore a MAGA hat to the airport to let the flight crew know in advance that…
UGH, constituents, am I right? Constantly asking you to do things like legislate on their behalf and act in their best interest. Don’t they get…
ONTARIO, Calif. — Local punk Remy Omomo made a breakthrough during a recent therapy session and admitted his love for the Graves-era Misfits’ album “Famous…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Health Robert F. Kennedy Jr. today declared his plans to live for eternity after stuffing his orifices with silica gel packets,…
There are a few rules I live my life by: a balanced diet is a slice of pizza in each hand, my level of sarcasm…
One was a massively corrupt political party dragging the country into authoritarian oligarchy through lies, xenophobia, and secret police. The other, a Democratic senator, fresh…
AKRON, Ohio — Attendees at Hamster Death Method’s latest concert felt overwhelmingly “whoo,” per an impromptu survey conducted by the band’s singer, confirmed sources. “I…
WICHITA, Kan. — Local 62-year-old dad Carl Strungis reportedly spends hours glued to The History Channel, absorbing absolutely nothing except the vague sense that explosions…
Ah, the Fourth of July: the day we celebrate George Washington conquering thousands of commies back in biblical times to win our God-given freedom to…