LOS ANGELES — Local ICE agent Mitch Holsen admitted he wept a few tears of joy after receiving an emotional letter from a kindergartner detailing…
At The Hard Times, we know how much you love your K-pop. We also know how much you love your pornogrind. Like, you really, really…
LOS ANGELES — Singer/songwriter Belinda Carlisle officially retracted the eponymous claim of her 1987 hit “Heaven Is a Place on Earth” due to the myriad…
Every day, dozens upon dozens of songs are released into the ether, hoping to land upon welcoming ears and open hearts. Though none of them…
WASHINGTON — The servers for a new Nazi dating app called Thousand-Year Romance crashed during a recent convention for officers and new recruits late last…
As a Republican, I was initially delighted by Trump’s “Big Beautiful Bill,” particularly with the cuts it made to the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP),…
LONG BRANCH, N.J. — An AI computer model based on legendary musician Bruce Springsteen released its first single about an under-appreciated computer that goes to…
MARSHFIELD, Wis. — Prolific serial killer Earl Hadley expressed hope that his crimes would at least inspire the lyrics to some metal songs after Netflix…
Hey, you. Yeah… you. The guy hiding behind the plastic shrubs near the restrooms. Listen as carefully as you can to every word I’m about…
SAN FRANCISCO — Popular rideshare app Uber announced a new feature that would match intoxicated riders with intoxicated drivers, confirmed sources who were already five…
BUHL, Idaho — A book report on epic 1851 novel “Moby-Dick” by 10th grader Nick Henderson had clearly been written after having only listened to…
HAWTHORNE, Calif. — A mechanical engineer at SpaceX spontaneously exploded while quietly working on a CAD drawing, according to blood-spattered sources. “The noise and spray…
You all know me, you know how I make a living. For decades, I’ve spooked young and old alike with my charmingly macabre tales of…
MINNEAPOLIS — The appearance of an unremarkable cloud in the sky enraged pedestrians in Uptown, prompting a police response in a part of the city…
EASTON, Md. — Local misogynist Bryce Turner is starting to suspect that he, in addition to MSNBC, are to blame for his inability to convince…