WASHINGTON — Kid Rock capped off his concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with a cover of Woody Guthrie’s “This…
KENT, Ohio — President Donald Trump announced he’d be awarding the Medal of Honor to those brave National Guardsmen who shot and killed defenseless students…
Most people would agree that the last place you want to die is on the job, not only because you’ll never enjoy retirement, but also…
SANTA FE SPRINGS, Calif. — Local father Jay Vander couldn’t wait until his newborn son was old enough to show him old hard drives full…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — President Donald Trump’s decision to terminate all of the federal government’s remaining contracts with Harvard University resulted in genius janitors having to…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local Project Manager Bart McDonnell claimed recently to have discovered the Rosetta Stone of productivity, dubbing himself a “multitasking magnate,” despite just…
Few mythological tales are as legendary as the epic battle waged between the Greeks and the Trojans over the kidnapping of ancient civilization’s Sydney Sweeney…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced plans to cut much needed mental health funds for America’s clown posses, confirmed dope-ass sources. “They’ve been stealing our…
WINDSOR, Conn — Local terrible cousin Terry Reynolds made everyone uncomfortable at his family’s annual Memorial Day BBQ by loudly declaring that “Woke is dead!”…
WASHINGTON — Secretary of Defense Pete Hegseth delivered a special Memorial Day message to a covert unit of Marine operatives stationed at classified coordinates in…
SPRINGFIELD, Va. — Local Drug Enforcement Administration (DEA) representative Luther Sacristan Diaz confirmed that Elon Musk’s rampant ketamine habit is still the single most effective…
OK, let me make myself exceedingly clear on one thing: I always do the necessary amount of research before I buy anything, be it a…
CASPER, Wyo. — Municipal Waste fan Dylan Medina was shocked and disgusted after remembering that he drank responsibly at local bar Shooter’s last night, sources…
It’s been another tough week. You’re technically seven days older, though given the current stress of our political and economic climate, scientifically speaking, you have…
Help! I Read the Comments Section, and Now I’m Researching Charlemagne’s Military Tactics on Wikipedia So I Can Win an Argument With a Complete Stranger About Red 40
They say that “no good deed goes unpunished,” but I have another platitude to add to the mix: “no read comment goes unargued.” It all…