SAN DIEGO — Entomologists at the California Center for Insect Study published a paper today detailing the fascinating life cycle of the common Iron Maiden…
PARIS — Local legend and longtime Notre-Dame resident Quasimodo will now be known as “The Hunchback of Holiday Inn” after being safely evacuated from the…
PITTSBURGH — Local DIY lifestyle advocate and sexually frustrated man Peter Jansen unveiled today his self-made sex robot, which looks worryingly like a refrigerator with…
BOSTON — The Measure of a Man Tailor Shop was open long past their normal hours last night thanks to the iconic third-wave ska band…
PHILADELPHIA — Local songwriter Nate Oldham filed his taxes today, deducting the entirety of his ill-fated eight-month relationship as a necessary business expense, Oldham’s Schedule…
INDIO, Calif. — Urban legends and age-old folklore circulating at this year’s Coachella allege that “abundant, hassle-free” beer awaits revelers in a rarely-trodden, enigmatic corner…
BOSTON — Local Skinhead Against Racial Prejudice [SHARP] Matt Pine was overjoyed yesterday for the latest of his countless days explaining the distinction between traditional…
LAS VEGAS — The legendary punk band Rancid postponed their Punk Rock Bowling headlining set at the last minute after singer and occasional guitarist Tim…
LOS ANGELES — Local punk Noah Slafer scoured the internet last night to find out whether he should view Julian Assange as a right-wing puppet…
INDIO, Calif. — Democrats are investigating White House Senior Adviser Jared Kushner for receiving an all-access, VIP pass to Coachella that will grant him access…
LONDON — Wikileaks founder Julian Assange was arrested in London this morning on suspicion of leaking the location of a secret show to a collection…
NAPERVILLE, Ill. — High school freshman and self-described punk Michael Wade is calling his family’s upcoming Walt Disney World vacation his “Southeast Tour,” despite having…
TACOMA, Wash. — Professional drummer Jason Hamilton is reportedly letting his natural skill for accounting go to waste, instead playing with successful, nationally recognized indie…
GRAND RAPIDS, Mich. — Local woman Carrie Schwalbach’s new boyfriend is nothing more than a reissued edition of her ex with new cover art, disappointing…














