NORTH ATTLEBORO, Mass. — Several youths were ordered to stop playing with miniature skateboards by very small police officers outside the Emerald Square Mall, according…
Son, I remember what times were like when I was your age: the school crushes, the long, agonizing classes, the “locker room talk”…but maybe most…
RIVERSIDE, Calif. — Just days away from completing his dry January goal, local abstainer Adam Cowell gave in to mounting temptation and crushed a 30-rack…
So you’ve moved out of your family home in Westchester and are starting your first undergraduate semester at Columbia in the big city. What kind…
DENVER — Local biker gang The Chaos Crusaders was reportedly riding around town in matching outfits, captivated and deafened sources confirmed. “They’re a noisy group…
Most people are satisfied with the humdrum routine of everyday life. For the average homebody, something as simple as switching to flavored coffee creamer or…
OSLO, Norway — Physicists at the Goering Institute of Hardcore Physics recently discovered a new form of toilet paper thinner than a photon of light,…
After decades of shows set in suburbia, no other kids’ show captured the zeitgeist of urban life quite like “Hey Arnold!” It didn’t just feature…
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — Local woman Hallie Phillips is reportedly thriving during an attempt to reduce alcohol consumption despite posting pictures of mocktails to her…
Okay, that’s it. I’ve had enough. I’m done being toyed with. No longer will I sit around and wait for the Cryptkeeper to resurrect my…
CHATTANOOGA, Tenn. — Local stoner rockers Dust Buster’s recent argument that devolved into screaming and name-calling ultimately led to hot, steamy, erotic makeup sex, staff…
WASHINGTON — Congressional lawmakers reached a new bipartisan consensus to allow their caretakers to vote on their behalf, confirmed sources who weren’t terribly surprised by…
The joyless march towards death comes with many indignities like wearing earplugs at concerts, knees that can’t outrun cops, or trading in your favorite Vans…
BAKERSFIELD, Calif. — Local Korn fan Floyd Brennan recently admitted that the band hit its peak approximately 50 seconds into the song “Blind,” confirmed sources…
Goddamn, what a week, huh? If you’re anything like us, you’ve probably been spending the majority of your time since last Monday screaming at your…