Entire Family Too Busy Sports Gambling to Argue at Thanksgiving
BIRMINGHAM, Ala. — The entire Peebles family was too preoccupied with their sports wagers to quarrel during Thanksgiving dinner, ending an 11-year streak of holiday screaming matches, confirmed sources. “I was really looking forwar…
Opinion: I Failed as a Parent Because My Adult Children Set Meaningful Boundaries and Don’t Feel Beholden to My Approval
Becoming a parent means sacrificing so much — your time, your money, your attention — to help ensure that your children can grow up to… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Asexual Pride Parade Virtually Indistinguishable From Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade
NEW YORK CITY — Confusion hit the streets of Manhattan today when the onlookers of a city-sanctioned Asexual Pride Parade realized it was basically exactly… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Ironic: Classmate Who Wore “No Fear” Shirts in Middle School Now Inordinately Terrified of Cities, Immigrants, and Trans People
Remember your middle-school classmate Bryce Hepfeldt? He sat behind you in 7th grade Pre-Algebra and often entertained you with Stone Cold Steve Austin catchphrases and… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Several ICE Agents Horribly Disemboweled During Attempt to Deport GWAR Back to Scumdoggia
RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent raid on the Slave Pit, home of the extraterrestrial rock… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
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Music
Bob Dylan Reveals Every Other Member of the Wallflowers Is Also His Son
DULUTH, Minn. — Prolific singer-songwriter Bob Dylan revealed that every member of ‘90s rock group The Wallflowers, in addition to frontman Jakob Dylan, is also his son, surprised sources report. “Oh, I was so proud of my boys when they…
Several ICE Agents Horribly Disemboweled During Attempt to Deport GWAR Back to Scumdoggia
RICHMOND, Va. — Several ICE agents had their internal organs forcibly removed during a recent…
Overly Ambitious Promoter Books Mixed Genre Show With Three Hardcore Bands, Full Production of “The Phantom of the Opera”
FORT WAYNE, Ind. — Local promoter Trent Lyons combined a reasonably curated three-act hardcore bill…
Record Store Owners' Union to Vote on Whether Ghost Albums Belong in Metal Section
AUSTIN, Texas — Members of the Record Store Owners’ Union are divided on an upcoming…
Wellness Check Called on Members of King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard After Two-Month Gap with No New Album Released
MELBOURNE, Australia — Concerned fans of psychedelic rock outfit King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard,…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…