Trump Awarded Hormel Peace Prize
AUSTIN, MN — The Hormel Corporation has announced today it will be awarding its coveted Hormel Peace Prize to President Donald Trump. "The Hormel Committee is thrilled to announce that we are awarding President Donald Trump with the Horm…
Keith Richards Cancelled Over Controversial Relationship in 1890s
WESTON, Conn. — Rolling Stones guitarist Keith Richards is reportedly cancelled after fans discovered his controversial relationship with an underage teenager back in the late… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Oof, That Didn’t Age Well: Five Episodes of “Full House” Where Aunt Becky Offers to Get D.J. Admitted to USC by Bribing the School with $500,000 to Have Her Accepted as a Fake Rowing Recruit
If you’re of millennial age, chances are pretty high that you grew up watching the heavily syndicated sitcom “Full House”. This saccharine comedy-drama was filled… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue reading this gem</a>
Ted Sarandos Seen Wearing “If You See the FCC Investigating Anti-Competitive Acquisition, Warn a Brother” T-Shirt
LOS ANGELES — After coming out victorious in the multi-billion dollar bidding war to acquire Warner Bros., Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos was seen leaving the… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
New Spotify Wrapped Feature Shows How Much of Your Money Went to Funding AI Warfare Technology
STOCKHOLM, Sweden — Spotify released its popular annual year-end “Wrapped” feature which gives users a snapshot of their music and podcast listening trends along with… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
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Music
Bassist Continues Pretending to Know What ‘Playing in the Pocket’ Means
MACON, Ga. — Lionel Quinn, bassist for local band Busted Hump, has no plans to reveal his ignorance of the term to his bandmates for fear of being ridiculed, sources confirm. “I’ve heard the phrase a bunch of times, but…
Girl on Cover of Lagwagon’s “Let’s Talk About Feelings” Becomes Prom Queen After Taking off Glasses and Letting Down Hair
GOLETA, Calif. — Margaret Nerdstrom, the girl featured on the album cover of skate punk…
Goth Wandering Around During Daytime Must Have Rabies
SAN DIEGO — Bystanders were reportedly concerned after a wayward goth wandering around during the…
Band Just One Hit Away From One-Hit Wonder Status
BORING, Ore. — Local band Lifetime Original Bitch is just one chart-topping song away from…
Justin Vernon Hoping Next Bon Iver Album Successful Enough for Him to Finally Move Out of Shack in the Middle of Woods
STUBBS, Wisc. — Acclaimed singer-songwriter Justin Vernon hoped his next Bon Iver album would prove…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…