ICE Agent Returns Home to Hero’s Welcome From AI Girlfriend
HARRISON, Ark. — Local ICE agent Pete Drurey was honored to arrive home to a hero’s welcome from his AI girlfriend after serving four grueling weeks terrorizing citizens of the Twin Cities, confirmed sources actively avoiding the lonely los…
It Unclear Whether Bluegrass Fan the Redneck Kind or the NPR Kind
KNOXVILLE, Tenn. — Bluegrass fan Kyle McCormick left everyone who encountered him at Preservation Pub unsure whether he was the redneck kind or the NPR… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Get the full story</a>
Greg Bovino Considering Freelance Fascism
Yikes! Spin Doctors Reveal Prince Andrew Is One of the Two Princes They’re Singing About
NEW YORK — American rock group Spin Doctors revealed that one of the princes in their 1993 hit “Two Princes” is disgraced former Prince Andrew,… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read the full masterpiece</a>
The Next Clark Kent/Superman? We’ve Never Seen Ice and the Proud Boys at the Same Place at the Same Time
Look, I’m no detective. I lack the intelligence, training, qualifications, and decency to perform such a job — much like an ICE agent — I’m… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Read more nonsense</a>
Sex Ruined by Lackluster Spank From Man Who’s Just Not a Spanker
Why Go Watch One Good Movie in a Theater When You Can Watch 1000 Mediocre Ones at Home, Take Anti-Depressants, and Breed More Workers? – Guest Post by Ted Sarandos
Greetings, average American viewer, it’s me, Netflix CEO Ted Sarandos, taking time out of my busy day to talk to you. I wanted to take… <a href="https://thehardtimes.net/" class="font-medium" style="color: #3eb565;" onmouseover="this.style.color='#35a058'" onmouseout="this.style.color='#3eb565'">Continue this tale</a>
Music
Bryan Adams Re-Records “Summer of ‘69” As “Summer of ‘67” to Connect With the Youth
ONTARIO, Canada — Canadian rock musician Bryan Adams re-recorded his hit song “Summer of ‘69” as “Summer of ‘67” in an attempt to reach younger audiences, cringing sources confirmed. “I updated the lyrics entirely. For instance, it starts out: ‘I…
Just Because We’re a Metalcore Band Doesn’t Mean We’re From the Midwest, but Yeah, We’re Only Touring Iowa and Nebraska
I've always believed stereotypes, whether positive or negative, are reductive and paint a picture of…
Paul Simon’s ‘Kodachrome’ Voted Best Song on the ‘Coneheads’ Soundtrack for 32nd Year in a Row
NEW YORK — Online music magazine Pitchfork once again ranked Paul Simon’s 1973 hit “Kodachrome”…
AI-Generated Metallica Song Better Than Anything They’ve Released in Over Three Decades
CUPERTINO, Calif. — An AI-generated Metallica song titled “Am I Revenge Forgiven II?” sounded better…
Fans Reminded Not to Feed Dave Grohl
PHILADELPHIA — Foo Fighters’ production staff put in long hours taping up signs warning fans…
Featured Posts
The Next Alex Jones? This Parrot Learned To Say “Deep State”
Does anyone want to buy a parrot? He’s a beautiful blue and yellow macaw, very well-behaved, enjoys grapes, and, unfortunately,…
“Our Story” Section of Wedding Website Doubles as Historical Fiction
NASHVILLE, Tenn. — Avid readers of TheKnot.com report that a couple’s “Our Story” section on their personal wedding website, where…
Democrats Placated By Decision to Rename Alligator Alcatraz the “Ruth Bader Ginsburg Memorial Detention Facility”
WASHINGTON — Congressional Democrats achieved “yet another satisfying moral victory” against the GOP by convincing their Republican counterparts to rename…
Opinion: I Have a Substack Because I’m an Expert, and I’m an Expert Because I Have a Substack
If you’re looking for true expertise, then look no further than Substack. I know this because I have my own…