SIMSBURY, Conn. — Local straight edge high schoolers recently stated that their commitment to living a drug- and alcohol-free lifestyle will have no effect on…
ANN ARBOR, Mich. — A new study from the University of Michigan revealed that you can basically just walk out of Target with stuff and…
As if the world wasn’t already falling apart, now you can add the microplastics piling up in your brain to the heap of trouble. But…
CLEVELAND, Ohio — Punk stalwart Dave “Mel-Mel” Ryans made the switch from the popular malt liquor Steel Reserve, sometimes known as 211, to infamous liqueur…
PALM BEACH, Fla. — Despite existing only as a series of crudely sketched plans on cocktail napkins and one AI-generated image architects have described as…
First of all, I want to say, I’m impressed. Usually when I tell people “Do your own research” that’s the end of the conversation and…
WASHINGTON — Kid Rock capped off his concert at the John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts with a cover of Woody Guthrie’s “This…
KENT, Ohio — President Donald Trump announced he’d be awarding the Medal of Honor to those brave National Guardsmen who shot and killed defenseless students…
Most people would agree that the last place you want to die is on the job, not only because you’ll never enjoy retirement, but also…
SANTA FE SPRINGS, Calif. — Local father Jay Vander couldn’t wait until his newborn son was old enough to show him old hard drives full…
CAMBRIDGE, Mass. — President Donald Trump’s decision to terminate all of the federal government’s remaining contracts with Harvard University resulted in genius janitors having to…
RICHMOND, Va. — Local Project Manager Bart McDonnell claimed recently to have discovered the Rosetta Stone of productivity, dubbing himself a “multitasking magnate,” despite just…
Few mythological tales are as legendary as the epic battle waged between the Greeks and the Trojans over the kidnapping of ancient civilization’s Sydney Sweeney…
WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced plans to cut much needed mental health funds for America’s clown posses, confirmed dope-ass sources. “They’ve been stealing our…
WINDSOR, Conn — Local terrible cousin Terry Reynolds made everyone uncomfortable at his family’s annual Memorial Day BBQ by loudly declaring that “Woke is dead!”…