FORT WORTH, Texas — Local masturbator James Matheson was overheard thoughtfully whispering to himself a historical poem about Alexander the Great upon reaching the last…
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — Members of the Florida Senate quickly passed a new bill last night that will allow teachers K-12 to publicly pistol whip students…
LOS ANGELES — Crust punk Tim “Ransom” Rollins has reportedly started acting annoyingly sanctimonious ever since he moved into an abandoned Oscar Mayer Wienermobile, friends…
Wake up, America: it’s time to face the reality that porn addiction is a crippling disease, and one that affects millions of people in this…
Hockey, drinking and fighting are as synonymous as weed and the munchies. But don’t take our word for it, just go ask any Canadian why…
SEDONA, Ariz. — A fledgling lullaby composer was wracked with anxiety at a recent sold-out performance of his work when his melodies failed by leaving…
Just Give Me an Address, and I’ll Scare Your Birds Away, Free of Charge (Guest Column by Gary Busey)
Are you inundated by the screams of seagulls outside your house wanting revenge for something you said? Are you worried that a Canadian goose is…
So it finally happened… Your wife left you and you’re realizing that if you keep sitting in your house alone listening to depressing music you’re…
ANAHEIM, Calif. – Disney Adult and self-proclaimed “TikTok Foodie” Trisha McCormick knows where to get the best $45 chicken tenders at the price-gouging theme park,…
BOSTON — The Solar Eclipse, expected to be visible later today, admitted he got super hard just thinking about how many people would be staring…
Topher Klein wants other fathers-to-be to know that just because they’re not the one giving birth doesn’t mean the birth story isn’t about them. Some…