So you think Sanders or Warren would make a good president, huh? And you still insist on calling our current president “Commander in Queef?” Very mature. Well don’t expect to stay this way forever. I know you’re liberal now but once you’re older, have a family of your own, and a cerebral cortex that has been significantly damaged by a curable venereal disease, you’ll come around.
I get it, you’re young and full of convictions and ideals. I know you don’t want to hear this but I used to be just like you! I raged against the machine! I partied, I did drugs, and I had sex with a LOT of people. Recklessly and without abandon with no protection. I was a liberal! But once I had kids, financial obligations, and an elevated sense of paranoia from a sexually contracted brain infection, my worldview changed.
It’s called growing up.
I know you think a border wall is a bad idea but just you wait until you’re old enough to understand the job market. Wait until you can understand the effect that state welfare programs have on your wallet come tax day. Wait until the mental faculties that surmise such things have been eradicated by an STI you were too proud to get checked for.
There are just certain realities you need to comes to turn with once the double whammy of advanced age and brain eating bacteria has permanently warped your sense of what reality is. The boat is sinking! Our values are under attack! The homosexuals want us dead and we should be friends with Russia!
I know it sounds nuts but once you enter that natural stage of life where a disease eats part of your brain because you couldn’t be bothered to take antibiotics in 1975 or 1982 or 1995, you will see that cruelty and madness are the only true things in this world.
At this stage of your life you think people like Jeff Bezos are evil for hoarding wealth. Well, I hate to break it to you, but one day you will be my age and your elderly years are right around the corner. And when your family won’t care for you because you are a twisted and cruel shadow of your former self due to brain damage, you’ll wish you held on to a few billion dollars too!
Anyway, happy ninth birthday. Blow out your candles.