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Opinion: You Can Sterilize the Needle With Whiskey

Don’t be such a baby. This is totally safe! My cousin taught me how to do stick n’ poke and she does it all the time! All we need to sanitize the needle, and I’m talking 100% laboratory condition clean, is to dip it into a little bit of whiskey. It’ll be fine!

I can’t believe you are fighting me on this! Did you even go to high school? This is like, chemistry 101. Alcohol sterilizes things, look it up. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Pricking yourself with a needle dipped in booze is literally the safest thing you could possibly do.

Look, you’re embarrassing yourself. The alcohol kills the germs on contact, instantly. It’s science. And no, it doesn’t matter that it’s technically honey-cherry whiskey liqueur, whiskey is whiskey.

Look, this is perfectly safe, you’re obviously just nervous to get your first tattoo. Guess what? Whiskey can fix that too! Go ahead and polish off what’s left in that bottle. It should actually be enough to temporarily numb your pain receptors, so you won’t even feel it! Whenever you get a tattoo you want to be as drunk as possible, it’s a trade secret. I’ve already had a good amount of whiskey myself, to settle my nerves. That way I don’t make a mistake when I’m stabbing you!

OK, here we go, the needle has been dipped into the whiskey, just gonna go ahead and wipe it on my hoodie so it’s nice and dry, and… hmm. Still a little bit of moisture on it, I’m just gonna blow on that for a second to help it evaporate, there we go, we’re ready, let’s get started.

You know whiskey is actually good for lots of things. It’s more effective than…. Dude, stop squirming, you’re going to make me fuck this up. It’s more effective than over the counter cold medicine when you’re sick. It’s also a natural sleep aid, a digestive aid, and a… seriously, stop flinching.

OK, last poke, done! See, that wasn’t so bad, was it? And to think the whole time you were sobbing and saying “this is horrible.” Well now it’s all over and you have your very first tattoo! Wait, how many d’s are in “Harddcore?” Oh boy. We’re gonna need a lot more whiskey to fix this.

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