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Opinion: You Are Hitler. Not Similar, Not Equivalent. You Are the Leader of the Third Reich and National Socialist Party of the 1940s and I Will Not Allow You to Run This Blog Into the Ground

Who the fuck do you think you are? I don’t care because I know who you are. You are Hitler. I am not saying this with any hyperbole or exaggeration and I will not let you run this food blog into the ground!

You are Hitler. Not like a mini-Hitler or someone with qualities similar to Hitler. You did not do something that is commonly associated with Nazis or fascism. You are straight up Hitler and that article you published on avocado toast was basically a genocide on taste.

You monster. You are Hitler. You were born in a small town in Austria-Hungary to Alois Hitler and his third wife, Klara Pölzl. You are pure evil and I would rather see the entire world enslaved by a mad dictator than read another blog post about your latest take on kale smoothies.

You fucking disgust me. You attempted to seize power in a coup but were thrown in jail. You were later released and managed to take power in Germany after the stock market crash in the United States and the economic fallout left millions of Germans out of work. And I will allow an entire race of people to be exterminated before I allow you to get away with ruining another sandwich recipe by adding roasted Brussels sprouts.

You are Hitler. You were the cause of countless deaths in a cruel and merciless fashion. You are the stuff of nightmares. You will never be forgiven in this life nor in any life or universe beyond this one. You will remain the ultimate symbol of evil until the end of time. That said, your fried chicken sandwich recipe with homemade coleslaw was perfection.

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