Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stacy’s mom is hot as shit. I’ve heard; you’ve heard; the entire world has heard. And they’re not wrong. Nothing captures the world’s imagination like a catchy jingle and some top-shelf MILF. But it’s time to let you in on a far juicier tidbit of knowledge. Stacy’s dad? Well, he ain’t half-bad himself!
Stacy’s mom may have it going on but Stacy’s dad is a silver fox who will let you drive his BMW 7 Series in the driveway if you call him “daddy.”
Look, I know what you’re thinking: “But Stacy’s dad walked out! It was in the song!” Okay, this is true but you’re still a weirdo for knowing more than just the chorus.
Full disclosure: I am not an impartial observer in this story. I’ve been on a bit of a soul-searching road trip, which brought me to a Flying J station not too far from Badlands National Park in South Dakota. I was trying to fill up my tires when the air machine jammed on my last quarter. Out of nowhere, this chiseled, sweaty titan with a pepper-gray beard and traps for days materialized to give the machine a Fonzi-esque pound, in a manner equally suggestive and helpful. The air pump started instantly. There was a palpable sadness in his rugged exterior. Imagine if Hugh Jackman and Brad Pitt impregnated each other. He didn’t look like them or anything, I’m just asking you to imagine it.
Anyways, he saw my Fountains of Wayne shirt and said he was the dad from “that song about Kelly’s mom.” What a coincidence! We ended up talking, eating eggs at the diner, and rounding second base in the back of my Subaru WRX.
Look, is it possible that this was not the actual dad from the Stacy’s mom song? Of course. At this point, it shouldn’t matter. What matters is the joy his memory brings me, even all these years after our encounter. I’ll miss you, Stacy’s dad. Wherever you are I hope you’re doing that thing you do. And thank you to Adam Schlesinger for bringing the idea of the perfect man into all of our hearts. May your memory live on for that, if nothing else.