Press "Enter" to skip to content

Opinion: The Beatles Are Just a 34-Hit Wonder

Marcy Playground, Harvey Danger, the Beatles. There are so many types of “wonders” in the music industry, but at the end of the day they all come and go quicker than some Gotye song that we used to know.

Yes, the Beatles technically wrote 34 hits. Big deal. That was way back in the 1960s before the internet gave us the viral smash “Chocolate Rain” and changed the game for everyone. You just can’t lift a couple of Chuck Berry melodies and call it a day like you used to. You need to consider your brand.

The playing field has been completely leveled. Those 34 hits back then would probably equate to no more than three or four today tops and maybe a Toyota Prius commercial. If you’re lucky you might even get to charge an extra buck for your album on Bandcamp and get a whole $23 a year from Spotify royalties to split between four band members.

Also, it is well-documented that the Beatles took performance-enhancing LSD, so those “under the influence” hits clearly need to be disqualified from discussion.

But I guess we can’t overlook the fact that the Beatles were once “more popular than Jesus,” according to the Beatles themselves. That’s a fairly pompous and self-aggrandizing thing to say about your band, and they got some serious side-eyed looks from that comment. After all, no one likes an arrogant band. Look no further than Trapt.

I repeat, the Beatles are just like Trapt.

Sure, the fab four may have been inducted into the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame based solely on a lucky string of 34 hits. But then again Cat Stevens was inducted too. What the fuck kind of band name is that? Side note: I’m not down with any so-called “hall of fame” that doesn’t include Slayer anyway. Sorry.

Besides, I could write three dozen hits if I wanted to. All I have to do is learn an instrument, find a bunch of people who play different instruments, and let the hits just come to me. I just choose not to.