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Opinion: Look, I’m Sorry but the Best Time for Me to Unsubscribe From Emails Is When I’m Barreling Down I-95 in My Ford F-150, Okay?!

I’m a very, very, VERY busy man. It’s SO HARD running a successful small business out of the back of my gigantic 2015 Ford F-150 SuperCrew Cab XLT Pickup truck. When I first started, they said these Herbalife supplements would sell themselves. Turns out that’s not exactly true.

The demands placed on me as an entrepreneur are EXTREME, OK? I’m taking Zoom calls. I’m writing important things in my notebook. I’m practicing a growth mindset. There are just not enough hours in the day. When am I supposed to unsubscribe from all the email newsletters that I pathologically sign up for on a daily basis?

That’s why I’ve learned to multitask. Have you heard of it? It’s when you ENHANCE YOUR TIME by doing more than one thing at once. I heard an interview with Swedish time optimization expert Sven Berg on the Huberman Lab podcast and it has CHANGED MY LIFE, OKAY? I’m banging out bicep curls while meal-prepping. I’m doing yoga nidra while listening to the audiobook version of Malcolm Gladwell’s Outliers. And yes, I’m unsubscribing from emails while barreling down the I-95 corridor in my HUGE pickup truck.

Look, I know what you’re thinking. You’re saying, “Clive, that’s pretty dangerous behavior. You should be keeping your eyes on the road and not using your phone while driving.” THAT’S WHAT MY WIFE REBECCA SAYS TOO.

But that is a SELF-LIMITING MINDSET, OK? How do you expect to MAXIMIZE YOUR LIFE if you’re giving all of your attention to only a single thing at a time? How do you expect to MEET THE GOALS you’ve set for yourself? How do you expect to unload the BOXES AND BOXES of Herbalife Formula 1 Healthy Meal Banana Caramel Nutritional Shake Mix taking up space in your Aberdeen, Maryland split level?

“OK Clive,” you say. “Why not just stop signing up for email newsletters then?” One, it’s NOT THAT EASY. And two, you MUST HAVE BEEN talking to my wife Rebecca. WHO GAVE YOU HER NUMBER?

I can’t, OK? There are just too many of them. Everyday I AM AT WAR with my inbox in an effort to combat my COMPULSIVE NEWSLETTER HABIT. I have LOST CONTROL and until I REGAIN CONTROL I will continue to unsubscribe from emails while driving. I’m sorry.