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Opinion: Just Because I’m Not Going to Your Show Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Want an Invite

I woke up today and saw pictures from last night of your shitty band playing at a shitty venue in front of a small, shitty crowd. It looked like the absolute worst possible place to be and I feel deeply sympathetic for any of the poor souls who had the misfortune of attending. All of that was crystal clear from the photos alone. However, I am left with just one question: Where the fuck was my invite?

How hard is it to send a text or even just click ‘invite all’ on your annoying Facebook event page?? You used to invite me to all your dumb shit! Your shitty band, your shitty comedy, your shitty wedding, your shitty kid’s shitty funeral- everything! What happened? I thought we were friends.

Is it due to technology? Is social media destroying our ability to make face to face connections? I’m not asking for much. Just a little something that shows you care about me and want me to attend your special event. I’ll even respond back with a resounding, “no you dumb fuck I’d rather die than see your improv troupe” or whatever shitty thing you’re practically begging me to come to.

Did I do something wrong? Did I post something too political and you unfollowed me? Did I make a joke at your expense last week at the bar? Whatever it was, I’m really sorry and I’ll do anything to repair our friendship, which I clearly value. I’ll do anything- just please invite me to your next abortion of an event. Even if it’s an actual abortion!

I expect to receive an invite the next time your band plays. And in return you can expect me to see the notification, roll my eyes and laugh at the thought of lowering myself to attend, and ignore it forever. Sound good?

Hey, at least I’m not the asshole commenting “sorry can’t make it, have fun!” on your event. But I will be if I don’t get my goddamn invite!!

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