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Opinion: If the Band Doesn’t Start in 15 Minutes, We’re Legally Allowed to Leave

When is this band gonna go on already? I didn’t even wanna go to this show but I got myself up and dressed because I don’t wanna get in trouble for not supporting this band. You know what, I hope they’re not ready in time because if the band doesn’t start within 15 minutes, we’re legally allowed to leave.

No, it’s true! I read the flyer and venue rules and it’s ironclad- if the band doesn’t start in a few minutes we can all just leave and we CAN’T get in trouble. Our friends can’t be mad we didn’t see them play. The venue might get to keep our ticket money but my parents bought me the ticket and I wanna go back to bed.

Seriously, we can leave. It’s the LAW.

See, according to the HxC Lore Encyclopedia, like 30 years ago, off duty law enforcement officer and secret hardcore legend Adam Blom was attending a Dikk Headz show over in a D.C. VFW when the band took more than four days to set up. Officer Blom straight up arrested the bassist when, after tuning his whole bass, snapped a string and started to restring on stage.

Blom took his frustration and campaigned with the interest groups SCAB (Some Cops are Bastards) and KILL (not an acronym, they’re just cops who kill people) created the “15 Minute Law,” a measure taken to prevent bands from abusing their power of top billing.

Usually all cops are bastards, but this time one was a hero.

So today, I’ll disregard all side eyes and dirty looks I get from supportive parents and 40 year old merch guys. I won’t be bullied back into the “I’m only going out for a cig” excuse, because I’m exercising my right as a citizen of the scene and of the world. And honestly, if you only use the first two strings, why do you need 15 minutes to set up?

Okay, it’s 14 minutes and 30 seconds. We’re so close. Oh no, that sounds like an opening note. Wait, never mind. THe guitar tech is just playing the Smells Like Teen Spirit riff again. I’m outta here.