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Opinion: College Admissions Should Only Be Based on Merit and Who Your Parents Are

The Supreme Court finally did the right thing and struck down the unjust policy of Affirmative Action in college admissions. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, getting into a top Ivy League school should absolutely only be based on grades, merit, and who your rich alumni parents are.

Allowing race as a factor into admissions was a detriment to our education system and a disservice to our entire society. Or so the guys down at the country club keep telling me. I actually don’t know much about this topic past what my acquaintances down at The Eagle’s Nest have said, but I have no reason to doubt them when they insist this ruling is a very good thing for us. Having a university composed of only the best and brightest, coupled with a solid contingent of below average students with sick alumni pedigree, is what this country is all about.

Some people may think I had an unfair advantage getting admitted just because my grades were, as one councillor used to say, “dog shit”. But even though I got in doesn’t mean it was easy. Competition was very fierce, even for a legacy admin. I thought I’d be a shoo-in based on the fact my parents generously donated some of my great-grandfather’s suspiciously obtained wealth to build the school a shiny new rotunda. But just my luck, half the other kids on my high school rowing team also got their families to donate some type of weird ass building to the school.

They say dropping race as a qualifier will even out the playing field for students with higher test scores, and those students with lower test scores but very familiar last names, namely people like me. It’s time for a return to the good old days when the student body only contained the country’s top brains and the offspring of former VIP grads who like to kick it in their Jeeps instead of going to class.

Allowing a more diverse campus is a slippery slope. What’s next, a diverse Wall Street or Silicon Valley? And at whose peril? My dumber younger brother, that’s who. His grades are even worse than mine so my parents will probably have to sell one of their vacation properties just to get the little shit in.

Carpe Diem!