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C’mon, what are you, some kinda’ pussy?! Do this beer bong, bro! Don’t wuss out on me.

I invite you to my home, supply you with delicious snacks and a stolen keg of beer, and this is how you repay my kindness? By slowly sipping Natural Ice from a red Solo cup? No fuckin’ way, brother! I want you to forcibly inject beer into your stomach via air pressure and gravity. You are being rude.

C’mon. Chug! Chug! Chug! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!

Dude, I cannot wait to see you wasted! It is going to be so hilarious. It makes you depressed? No, no, no, you just have to keep drinking to get past that. I don’t care about your family’s battle with alcoholism. I just want to shove this tube down your throat!

You have work in the morning? Are you kidding me we that shit?! What happened to you, man? You used to be so wild. We used to stay out all night. Mister big man with a real job, doesn’t want to hang out with us Little Caesars’ crew anymore. You think you’re better than me?

If you don’t want to hit the beer bong we got the butt chug going too. You could shotgun a can, play Beer Pong, Ice Luge, Keg Stand, Teen Wolf, Das Boot, Flip Cup, Lil’ Abner, The Mariana Trench, Dish Dash, Anne of Green Gables, Tiny Spoon. However you want as long as you CHUG!

Oh my god, he’s going to do it, I can’t believe it!

Here, put the end of this used garden hose in your mouth and I am going to climb up this ladder and pour the beer into the funnel. Just start drinking, man. Try to relax your esophagus. If you think you are going to puke, aim for the bucket.


He did it! Dude, you are a legend!