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Call Me Old Fashioned but I Believe Marriage Is Between a Protagonist and Someone They Were Just Friends With for 5 Seasons

There’s no denying that the institution of marriage has drastically changed over the last few decades. I would never get in the way of any two adults being married legally because, after all, a marriage is a legal contract with certain benefits that should be available to all couples. That being said, everyone has their own value system and I am no different. It may be a dated opinion but for me, a real marriage can only be between two characters on a once-popular television show after the writers have been spinning their wheels for too long.

Cory and Topanga. Luke and Lorelai. Jake and Amy. Television history is rich with storybook romances spawned by a bunch of pot-addled television writers getting bored and saying, “let’s switch it up a little this season.” These storybook marriages are right where they, and all marriages, truly belong — in stories.

No two real people should ever actually wed. That’s insane. No one is built for that. A marriage, a true marriage, is a contrivance to motivate stale characters through another half-season of tired antics.

We all love when Steve Urkel turns himself into Stefan but if some real-life nerd really built a machine that made him cool, we would all probably be pretty freaked out. Marriage is the same way. If real-life married people loved each other the way Lesley and Ben did, it would shatter your universe. It’s just not how the real world is supposed to be.

Conversely, real-life marriage doesn’t work for television. It’s something put upon two people who don’t-not dig each other enough to break up, that still need to combine assets for tax purposes until such a time that society evolves past such archaic constructs. It makes for bad comedy.

I don’t need you to agree with me, but please believe that my worldview is not rooted in any hatred or bigotry. I cried like a baby at the wedding of Uncle Russell and Chris on a very special episode of Roc. I embrace the union of any two characters regardless of race, sexuality, or gender. Just as long as they are two completely fictional people signaling to me, the viewer, that a sitcom has pretty much run its course and to lower my expectations going forward.