WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump declared that the United States of America will revert the Gulf of America’s name back to Gulf of Mexico for crucial pre-midterm Hispanic support, unconvinced sources confirm.
“Sleepy Joe changed the name of this historic, stupendous body of water to ‘Gulf of America’ when my dear Hispanics weren’t paying attention and we must undo the wrongs of the horrible Biden administration,” Trump lamented in a Truth Social statement. “This glorious blue sea is very important to many Latinos. It is only right that we rename this Gulf properly in honor of Mexico, something the Dumocrats would never do. To all Mexicans and Mexican-Americans: Enjoy the swimming! Just don’t paddle to Cuba.”
Former Hispanic Trump supporter Jose Velasquez isn’t convinced that this move will earn back his Republican vote.
“My dad, being a blue-collar, old-school Republican, always encouraged us to vote red, so we did. With all of the raids going on, I finally switched up. Now what? This bullshit? I swear, Trump made the change to ‘Gulf of America’ right off the bat so he could flip it when he wanted us to come crawling back,” Velasquez said as he applied a “Melt ICE” bumper sticker to his Ford F-150. “Fuck that. And don’t get me started on him saying only a Hispanic could survive a fall from his ballroom. Old bastard probably thought that helped his approval ratings with us, too.”
Geopolitical Designation Specialist Dennis Armano is steadfast in believing the rename isn’t likely to turn the tide of the midterms or the 2028 election.
“Yes, it’s laughable that he gave it the ‘Gulf of America’ name in the first place, but this takes the cake,” Armano said. “In the lead-up to a tough election for Republicans, this is somehow less than the bare minimum. What’s next? Is he going to serve steak to a Mexican ambassador at a state dinner and call it ‘Crunchwrap Supreme’?”
At press time, Trump went one step further and renamed “New Mexico” to “Mexico Deluxe.”
