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Punk on ‘Shark Tank’ Wants $25 to Make Some Pins

LOS ANGELES — Teddy Gregory of up-and-coming punk band Concrete Chaos appeared on the popular, investment-based reality show Shark Tank last night, asking the panel of entrepreneurial hosts for start-up capital to help promote his band through accessory pins.

“Hey sharks, what if I told you this was a golden opportunity to be part of an exciting punk rock band from the ground up?” asked Gregory, his hands nervously clasped together. “A small investment of $25 would enable me to produce a new series of pins bearing our band’s name, and — this is the exciting part — also our logo. My pin guy in Seattle is sitting in his kitchen as we speak, ready to start production on these. We just need the last little bit of start-up capital.”

Viewers report the pitch was met with mixed results. Kevin O’Leary, one of the show’s featured businessmen and judges, thought the presentation “lacked polish.”

“If I’m gonna buy into something, I have to like it and the person selling it,” said O’Leary. “And I did not like the way you came out here with your music blaring, knocking things over like you own the place. Frankly, it just rubbed me the wrong way. Also, this isn’t a genre I personally feel confident in, and I just don’t think this band is going to get to scale. I’m going to have to pass. Come back when you’ve sold some iron-on patches.”

All of the other sharks followed suit, with the exception of Mark Cuban, the eccentric billionaire, and owner of the Dallas Mavericks.

“I appreciate the energy and ambition behind the project,” said Cuban. “But if I invest this kind of money, I’m going to want to see more of a yield than just some shout-out on a future record. The last band I gave money to let me do backup vocals on four different tracks.”

Gregory attempted to sweeten the offer in an attempt to land Cuban as an investor by offering to guestlist the tech mogul at a future show booked in a VFW hall outside of Dallas, as well as a handful of the pins once they are complete, but was ultimately denied.

“I am a little disappointed I didn’t get an investment today,” admitted Gregory in a post Tank interview. “The sharks couldn’t see the value in my band, but this is literally a $200 industry that we are about to dominate. They will regret their decision.”