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Mom Likes Band But Doesn’t Understand Why You Need All The Screaming

NEW LONDON, Conn. — After seeing her son Jimmy’s band, The Worn Path, play at the Waterford VFW for the first time, Barbara “Barb” Lavorgna indicated that — while she thought the band was “great” — she just “didn’t really understand why you feel the need for all the screaming parts.”

Despite Barbara’s tepid response, she emphasized that she loved seeing the band play and thought “the one with the ‘oi oi oi’ was really catchy,” likely referring to her son’s song “Assisted Murdercide.” Barb was pleased that her son “let Michael in the band,” as he is allegedly an “extremely nice boy” whose mother Susan is “such a sweet lady.” She expressed further approval that all the boys in the band are “such good friends.”

Mrs. Lavorgna went on to praise her son’s guitar solos — despite the fact that he plays bass — and really liked the part where everyone said the words together. She enjoyed this “crude shout” and indicated she hopes it is included in future songs, saying it reminded her of some disco songs from the ’70s. The members of the band did not appear to see this as high praise.

However, Mrs. Lavorgna’s review of the concert was not entirely positive. “You just have such a pretty singing voice,” sighed a disappointed Barb, who paid for three vocal lessons when her son was 8. “I just don’t see why you hide it.” Despite multiple explanations about the cultural, stylistic, and thematic reasons for using an aggressive vocal style, she insisted that it posed a threat towards “people knowing the real you, a very nice young man.”

“You always sounded so nice in the school chorus, why don’t you do a cover of one of those songs?” she continued. Her suggestion that they could be “jazzed up a bit” ultimately fell on her son’s deaf ears.

As of press time, Mrs. Lavorgna informed her son that, despite their differences in musical taste, she is very proud of her son. Also, Mrs. Lavorgna wanted her son to know she was talking to the mother of that “nice girl who plays bass in the Shit Sisters,” and she is single and “seems to be very sweet.”