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Mentally Ill Man Receives Free Government Health Care, Housing

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump visited a White House doctor this week for his annual physical examination as part of his free, government-subsidized health care and housing package, multiple sources report.

“Personally, I think it’s great what’s offered for mentally ill seniors in this country,” said Cathy Chaffee of Blue Springs, Mo. “As soon as I pay this deductible down, I aim to get checked out, too. No shame in that.”

Examining physician and U.S. Navy Admiral Dr. Ronny Jackson confirmed that Trump was “in good health” and “had no issues with his cognitive function to speak of.”

Jackson added his appreciation for government-subsidized health care made available to those who need it most.

“Just because someone receives free health care, doesn’t mean they deserve to have their mental or physical health made any less of a priority than anyone else,” Dr. Jackson said. “Not that he needed it, though — sharp as a tack, and a tall drink of water to boot, if I may be so bold.”

At press time, everyone was still wondering, “What the fuck is wrong with that doctor,” and, “Seriously, though.”

This is a breaking news story. More updates to follow.

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Article by Ella Gale @hellakale and The Hard Times Staff.