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Hardcore Lyricist Struggling to Fit All 9/11 Truths Into 90-Second Song

UPPER DARBY, Penn. — Brenden Lowry, frontman and lyricist of punk band Remorse Of The Flag, is struggling to fit all necessary truths, misconceptions, and blatant political fallacies about the infamous World Trade Center attacks into the band’s new, 90-second song, “Building Seven,” according to his bandmates.

Lowry, who will gladly insert the facts “the government doesn’t want you to hear” in every conversation he holds, feels the band can bring that message “global.”

“This song is going to wake America up,” Lowry declared, “and I can’t afford to leave anything out. I’m already at :45 and I haven’t even mentioned there was no Flight 93.”

“I’m just glad we talked him out of a concept album,” said bassist Amy Heun. “He initially wanted to do a double LP, with every song named for a 9/11 Commission Report subsection. Luckily, we got him down to a single song, but now he’s frantic over what he can and can’t fit.”

Lowry’s personal connection to the terrorist attacks runs deep, growing up a mere 110 miles from Ground Zero and counting a former New York bike messenger in 2001 as his friend.

“This isn’t just a song for me,” Lowry told his bandmates. “How do I explain that seven of the supposed hijackers are still alive within a three-second window? Ugh. Maybe I’ll just scream ‘InfoWars dot com’ a couple times.”

Lowry’s latest attempt uses a technique popularized in R.E.M.’s hit song, “It’s the End of the World as We Know It,” spouting as many September 11th-related proper nouns as he can fit.

“Yeah, so, this will be, like, the singalong part,” Lowry said. “This is what I have so far… ‘Rumsfeld. Loose Change. CIA. Nano Thermite. Citigroup. Global hegemony. NORAD. al-Saud. Patriot Act. Israel. Blackboxes. Controlled demolition. Pentagon missile. LIHOP. MIHOP. MAGA. Reptilian shape-shifting aliens.’ It’s getting there, but I still don’t have anything about bin Laden’s ties to Reagan in the Cold War.”

“I think the audience will fill in the gaps,” added Lowry, hoping to repeat his success shoehorning the U.S. moon landing conspiracy into a 60-second song entitled, “Kubrick’s Konfession.”