PHOENIX – Critics called into question the work ethic and energy conservation skills of hardcore band Alien 5 earlier this week following charges of flagrant tardiness and over-reliance on a 5,000 BTU window unit air conditioner.
Roommate Anthony McConnell reported the band didn’t begin their practice until well after 3:30 p.m. despite scheduling for a 2 p.m. start.
“I said they could use the living room as long as they were out by 5 p.m. so me and my girlfriend could watch Netflix,” said an infuriated McConnell. “They finally all showed up, immediately cranked the A/C… and then spent half an hour dicking around outside looking for Pokemon. I gotta pay a sixth of that bill.”
Vocalist Alex Reed quickly dispelled the allegations.
“We’re firmly against time wasters. We made that clear when we took out our ad for a new bassist,” said Reed. “But we were sweating after being outside in the sun, so it was nice to sit in the A/C for a while and check out Instagram before we set up.”
Mere minutes after plugging in their instruments, the yellowed, vintage device ceased operation.
“I guess the A/C started kicking out some black smoke right when they finished tuning,” said McConnell. “But Alex said he punched it a couple of times and it was golden. So, that’s just even more of my money down the drain.”
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“We’re prepping for our upcoming four-day tour, so we played our debut three-track EP in its entirety twice,” boasted Reed. “And with the A/C running properly, the temperature was down to about 68 degrees in seconds. Our drummer still had his shirt off after two songs, though.”
After a full 16 minutes of actual rehearsal time, the members of Alien 5 ended practice for the day to go see a movie in a more climate-controlled setting. Sources report the band was 45 minutes late to the screening.
