PITTSBURGH, Pa. — Pittsburgh punk brats World’s Scariest Police Chases are on a quest to ensure that all discussion about them ends in a confused and frustrated state, according to a statement issued by the band.
“We are filled with a tingly sense of joy every time we imagine someone trying to explain our last album title, NOFX… and Out Come the Wolves Dookie. But, honestly, that was child’s play,” read the statement issued by Say-10 Records ahead of the release of the band’s upcoming album. “Just try to text the name of this next one to a friend, and see if you don’t throw your phone in a frustrated rage. We fucking dare you.”
Dan Delucia, one of the band’s three members named Dan, elaborated on their newest album title.
“The new one is called ABLUM 3, to ensure that all of your Gchat messages and tweets get a red, squiggly underline because you spelled ‘album’ wrong, like a dumbass,” he explained. “That’s right — we’re now fucking with you online. And, hey, you’ll still sound stupid verbally, too.”
“Fuck it, we’re looking to add a few more ‘Dan’s while we’re at it,” he added. “Our group text is already a nightmare with three, so don’t feel bad if you can’t keep up — we do it to ourselves, too. But, yeah… if your name is Dan, and you play a glockenspiel, hit us up.”
Fans are already excited over the confusion the new album is expected to bring.
“I thought they set the bar pretty high with the whole ‘having a name you can’t Google without getting a page full of links to that old TV show’ thing, or like the Playstation game that everyone knows sucks ass, but this is really above and beyond,” said fan Daisy Lowe. “It’s so nice to see bands continue to push themselves to new creative heights… and really fuck with their entire audience in doing so.”
ABLUM 3‘s lead single, “MODERNBASEBALLISWAR”, is only expected to add to the band’s appeal.
“It’s impossible to tell how sarcastic we are,” said Dan Nelson, another band-related Dan. “Are we asshole alcoholics? Are we straight edgers with a satirical streak? Good fucking luck finding out. Sometimes, we don’t even know.”
At press time, sources reported that World’s Scariest Police Chases’ drummer is legally changing his name to “Bassist,” their bassist is changing his legal name to “Drummer,” and Nick DeAngelo is asking everyone to call him Ghostface Killah from now on.