JACKSONVILLE, Fla. — Rot Snockets tour manager Benjamin Underhall was fired today following his indictment on charges he withheld significant amounts of the bands’ drink tickets for years, outraged sources confirmed.
“[The charges] aren’t true. None of it,” said Underhall in a press conference held with his lawyer. “Am I not allowed to have my own personal offshore bank accounts? And those drink tickets in my safe deposit box downtown… that was an unlawful search and seizure, which included some of my own personal drink tickets I’ve accumulated in my half-decade of service to The Rot Snockets. I get 10 percent of everything — it’s in my contract.”
Accusations surfaced after surveillance footage appeared to show Underhall treating several guests to drinks at Otis Flyhorn’s Bar & Grill several months after the band’s last performance there — seemingly paid for by small, individual tickets.
“Oh, man… this is a blow,” said vocalist Angie Moss. “[Underhall] has been around the world with us several times over, and we considered him a member of the family. Sadly, like actual families, sometimes the ones you love the most are the ones that ultimately betray you.”
“I’m not sure how we’ll bounce back from this loss,” agreed bassist Sami Wernfeld. “He’s going down for this, though — mark my words.”
Compounding the charges, Underhall is also accused of allegedly forging documents for personal gain.
“I just found out he put Red Bulls on our rider all this time,” said Richie Andrews, the band’s drummer. “That means every time he was running ahead of us to ‘make sure the green room was O.K.,’ he was just back there slamming Red Bulls. That came out of our guarantee, motherfucker.”
In light of the news, Florida state representative Audrey Gibson is expected to introduce legislation to regulate drink ticket distributions and impose penalties on venues that take a 50 percent cut of merch sales.