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Sound Guy Not About to Let Guitarist Tell Him How Guitar Should Sound

OMAHA, Neb. — Newly hired sound guy David Murphy was “not about to take fucking notes from some bullshit guitarist” last Friday night when sound-checking instruments at “[his] goddamn venue,” frustrated sources confirmed.

“This is my sound board, and this is my sound check,” said Murphy, ignoring the feedback from the guitarist and the guitar. “I am a highly qualified audio engineer — not a servant to your ideas about what a guitar should sound like. If you don’t like it, go play in traffic, for all I care.”

The venue’s sound has been “even worse than usual” lately, according to several regulars at Omaha venue The Edge.

“Between burying the vocals, muddying up the drums, and constant feedback issues, the only thing I’ve seen this sound guy do that even resembles his basic job description is being a dick to anyone that comes within 10 feet of his station,” said longtime patron Jess Dillard. “And lately, if anyone gets near his gear with a drink, he claims it’s a ‘safety issue’ and uses an old broom handle to knock it out of their hand.”

For her part, Bianca Gill, guitarist for the indie-rock group Mineral Springs, said she’s “not holding her breath” for Murphy to accidentally stumble upon her preferred guitar sound.

“I’ve gotten used to sound guys trying to intimidate me when sound-checking my guitar,” said Gill. “They always think they can do it better. Each time, they try to tell me what I’m doing wrong… but this guy is on a different wavelength entirely. He has reverb turned all the way up, and the balance turned for only the right side of the stage.”

“He even suggested I use his personal guitar because mine ‘looks a bit amateur,’” she added with air quotes. “Fuck him every way possible.”

At press time, Murphy was restrained from “helping the band pack their van more efficiently” after hurling their bass cab through the front windshield of their tour van.