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Smashing Pumpkins Announce Reunion With Original Billy Corgan

CHICAGO — Alternative rock legends Smashing Pumpkins announced that they will be reuniting their founding roster, which includes drummer Jimmy Chamberlin, guitarist James Iha, bassist D’arcy Wretzky, and – much to the delight of long-time fans – original frontman Billy Corgan, who has been conspicuously absent since the band first called it quits in 2000.

“The ‘90s were an unbelievable time for us, everything was going great, and the next thing you know we’re a completely different band whose leader suddenly cares more about making wrestling videos and whining to Alex Jones about poor people who don’t pay any taxes,” said Chamberlin. “But thankfully that was just a phase and we look forward to welcoming back Billy Corgan the tortured virtuoso and insufferable control freak we’ve been missing all these years.”

Among fans nostalgic for the era when Smashing Pumpkins helped to define the alternative category with iconic albums like ‘Gish’ and ‘Siamese Dream,’ the prospect of the band’s return to form has been well-received.

“It’s about goddamn time! Smashing Pumpkins haven’t been good since they replaced Billy Corgan with that smug conservative troll who refused to play any of their hits live,” said fan Sara Chensley. “You’d think that someone who identifies as a ‘free-market libertarian capitalist’ would’ve realized that performing a three-hour set of Zwan B-sides to fans that paid $200 a ticket just to sing along to a couple bangers is not a sound commercial strategy.”

Following the band’s official announcement, Corgan took to Twitter to voice his enthusiastic support.

“Today is the greatest day I’ve ever known! I want to first express my humble appreciation to all the fans, without whom I would be a talentless hack with zero confidence or creative vision. Also, words cannot convey the respect and admiration I feel for my bandmates, who each play their instruments to sober perfection. Teamwork makes the dream work,” said Corgan. “And finally, as a small token of my gratitude, I will be donating my entire share of the proceeds from our upcoming tour to the progressive fight against income inequality and tax breaks for wealthy corporations. Tickets are on sale now, see you on the road!”

At press time, the above tweets have been deleted and the official Smashing Pumpkins website has posted a statement from Billy Corgan announcing that all members of the band have been fired and that the tour will proceed as a solo performance, meaning no refunds will be issued.

Photo by Sven Mandel.