WASHINGTON — Ailing Senator Dianne Feinstein worried Senate colleagues when she made shocking remarks defending Michale Graves’ tenure fronting the Misfits, horrified Washington insiders have reported.
“While Senator Feinstein is one of our most distinguished members of Congress, we do understand the concerns about her ability to lead due to her illnesses. We can confirm that yesterday the Senator made comments that the Misfits were better off with toxic shitbag Michale Graves as their frontman,” said Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer. “I do want to assure her constituents that her nuanced view comes from her love of horror movie monsters and not due to her mind deteriorating so badly she is defending a pop-punk white supremacist. She is still fit to lead.”
Senate aides indicated that the situation is much more dire than leaders want to admit, and bipartisan support for her removal growing louder.
“I’ve been on the Senator’s staff for over a decade, and it kills me to see her like this. Surely this can’t be the same woman who’d hype herself up with ‘Demonomania’ before every Intelligence Committee meeting. But there is no denying she’s gone off the rails. I can’t imagine that she’d want to end her legacy with this, but this is the wrong kind of ghoulish spectacle we want to endure,” said aide Brittany Willows. “And this is just what she’s said in public! The other day she made some offhand comment about the ‘Cramps being overrated,’ I just sat in the bathroom and cried. This is the end of America.”
Pundits are questioning how many days the Senator has left before she’s removed from her seat.
“This is a huge blow to the Democrats, and it just highlights their dysfunction. Her inability to vote for any of President Biden’s judicial picks was already having serious ramifications, but allowing her to retain her seat after praising Graves as ‘cleaner sounding and less violent’ shows how out of touch they are with the voters,” said CNN host Walter Sherman. “The silver lining is that her views have created a rare truce between progressives and the far right, and leaders will soon be bringing forth an emergency resolution condemning ‘Famous Monsters’ and recognizing Danzig as the only true Misfits frontman.”
As of press time, Senator Feinstein stated her favorite Black Flag singer is Mike Vallely.