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New Study Finds 56% Of Americans Believe Dinosaurs Coexisted on Earth at Same Time as the Rolling Stones

WASHINGTON — A recent survey conducted by the Pew Research Center found alarming evidence that the majority of Americans confidently believe that prehistoric dinosaurs walked the earth at the same time as grandpa-rock band The Rolling Stones, confounded sources confirmed.

“This is a truly unsettling finding. We always have a couple of nutjobs who respond to these surveys, but 56%! We have a misinformation epidemic on our hands!” stated Pew Research associate Hammond Darlen. “It’s hard to know exactly what to do about this problem. Maybe we could do a PSA with The Rolling Stones personally refuting this misinformation since, let’s be honest, in this culture way more people are gonna listen to them than actual scientists. Or maybe we can even slip it into the next ‘Jurassic Park’ movie. Anything to change public perception.”

Despite overwhelming scientific and cultural evidence that The Rolling Stones did not exist until at least seven years after the last of the dinosaurs had died off, some remain convinced of the opposite.

“Of course the Stones and dinosaurs at one point coexisted, just look at these guys!” ranted believer Celia Davis while frantically pointing to a photo of the band from their most recent tour beside a picture of a Stegosaurus. “But you don’t have to take my word for it. I learned that classic rock stars lived alongside dinosaurs from that episode of ‘The Flintstones’ when KISS showed up to help Dino win his court case after being sued for larceny by the giant cave sloth. Man, that was such a great show — and consistent too! It was basically a cartoon documentary.”

Public high school teacher Marcus Ronkowsky explained the difficulty of communicating even basic, well-established information to a bafflingly stupid general public.

“People are ultimately gonna believe what they’re gonna believe regardless of what’s actually true — so my job is more damage control than it is actual education,” said Ronkowsky. “If someone wants to think that some very old heroin addicts were buddies with prehistoric lizards, well, that’s harmless enough, and even a little fun. I just try to make sure they don’t slide so far down that road that they then believe the Holocaust didn’t happen because Foghat exists.”

At press time, a further study revealed that 36% of Americans believe that Jefferson Starship helped stage the moon landing.