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Retail Employee Requests Workers’ Comp After Hearing Wham!’s “Last Christmas” 11 Times in One Day

MIAMI — Local sales associate Alice Thompson recently filed for workers’ compensation after claiming her retail store made her perform under “‘vigorous conditions” due to having to hear “Last Christmas” by the English pop duo Wham! almost a dozen times in a single shift, sources from management confirmed.

“It’s pretty traumatizing listening to the same damn song over and over again,” Thompson said while glaring at the holiday decorations hanging outside the Cotton On store where she works. “My manager knows I hate Christmas and that I just got out of a serious relationship so the song is quite mocking if you ask me. It makes it hard to wake up in the morning knowing what’s waiting for me here and it’s come to the point where I feel I need to be compensated due to the toll it’s taken on my mental health.”
Isabelle Delgado, HR representative of the store, does not wish to follow through with Thompson’s claim.
“While compensation benefits cover mental wellness, we’ve received multiple complaints and write-ups regarding Alice’s attitude and work ethic this holiday season so it is difficult to take her demands seriously,” Delgado said. “One written warning by the manager claims Alice had changed the music more than once to her ‘Best of Ska’ Spotify playlist rather than the ‘Family-Friendly Holiday Beats’ mix curated towards the store. Another stated that a concerned customer saw Alice body-slam and curse out one of the mall Santa’s elves near the Wetzel’s Pretzels.”

Music psychologist Michael Beckling weighed in on how listening to a hated song multiple times can impact one’s inner psyche.

“When you’ve studied as much music as I have, you know when a song is a steaming pile of crap,” Beckling said, tapping at his framed degree. “And any song by Wham!, let alone that mass-produced Christmas noise, is enough to drive a normal person with good taste insane. The CIA actually used bad music to torture prisoners and “Last Christmas” is somewhere on that list. Probably top 10 after ‘Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer’ and that one by Paul McCartney.”

At press time, Thompson was arrested for climbing the mall Christmas tree and throwing ornaments at bystanders after hearing “All I Want For Christmas Is You” a dozen consecutive times in the store.