HONESDALE, Pa. — The drummer of melodic hardcore band Goofus Eats Gallant was reportedly chafed when his philistine bandmates barbarically chatted as he diligently practiced fills, ashamed sources confirmed.
“The gall! The absolute unmitigated, ribald gall! I’m not exaggerating when I tell you that, with them lightly chatting amongst themselves, I could barely hear myself loudly bang on my crash cymbal over and over again,” huffed Bat “Bullhorn” Masterson. “I thought I was in a band with other musicians, not a pack of rabid wolves who have gained the power of conversation. How’s a fellow supposed to nail his fills with all that pesky breeze shooting going on? They need to learn some manners.”
Masterson’s bandmates report palpable embarrassment at their faux pas, admitting they were in the wrong.
“Look, we’ll own up to our mistake, and let me state for the record that we are mortified that we were so uncouth. We should have had the good grace to realize earlier that Bullhorn was maniacally beating his drum set to a pulp at the time of our chit-chat,” opined a repentant Muddy Csonkas, the band’s singer/bassist. “I only hope that it be of some small comfort to our beloved drummer that we were only talking about how good he was at his instrument, and how the exact fills he was rehearsing were coming along so well. But I suppose it doesn’t matter now, I could never face him again.”
Famed etiquette columnist Judith “Miss Manners” Martin elaborated more on the importance of rehearsal space politeness.
“It is always impolite to raise one’s voice to even a whisper over a drum fill, every musician should know that,” said Martin. “Just as one would never rest a coffee cup on a borrowed Marshall stack without first acquiring a coaster. I should hope Masterson would not leave the group over this admittedly crass and uncultured kerfuffle, and rather stay around to educate and guide his bandmates, as they dearly, deeply need it.”
At press time, the construction crew working across the street from the Goofus Eats Gallant practice space couldn’t believe a boorish band was rehearsing over their beautiful jackhammering.