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Report: Woman Named Stacy Has Never Heard That One About Her Mom Before

SAN DIEGO — Copywriter Stacy Campbell sarcastically claimed she’s never heard a joke referencing the 2003 pop-punk classic “Stacy’s Mom” thousands of times before, coworkers who still think it’s funny confirm.

“I was chatting with another copywriter, and Glen from accounting interrupted to ask if my mom had returned from her business trip. I wasn’t sure what he meant, but he followed up with something about my mom giving him the slip, and then it hit me,” recounted Campbell in between eye rolls. “I have been dealing with this shit since I was in high school and sadly, it doesn’t look like I’ll ever escape this curse. I’ll never forget my junior year when I worked up enough courage to ask my crush out for coffee, and he said no because ‘my mom needed him to mow her lawn.’ Therapy has helped, but I probably could’ve saved lots of money had I just changed my name before college.”

Campbell’s fellow employees seem to think they have a jovial workplace where colleagues can exchange playful banter as opposed to the irritation she describes.

“Stacy can probably expect Glen to invite himself over to hang around by the pool,” speculated IT support specialist Haven Seacrest. “I’d tell her that her mom could use a guy like me, but that’s just a stylistic preference. We have lots of fun here, like when I changed the phone number in Jenny’s email signature to 867-5309, or when we started calling our intern ‘Jesse’s girl’ after we learned her boyfriend’s name. She reported us to HR. Turns out she was humorless like Stacy, who never laughs when I tell her that I’m not the little boy that I used to be.”

The song’s enduring legacy gives one of its co-writers reason to reflect.

“Our five studio albums are always reduced to one song,” lamented Fountains of Wayne Frontman Chris Collingwood. “No one ever talks about our other stuff, and even ‘Stacy’s Mom’ didn’t get the respect it deserved. Rachel Hunter’s performance in the music video is the MILF gold standard, but we still lost the Grammy for Best Pop Performance to No Doubt. And listen, losing to a fucking ‘90s ska band is an indignity that’s hard to bounce back from. At this point, all the song is good for is tormenting women in their 30s and 40s for the sake of a Tinder opening line.”

At press time, Cambell’s coworker Sheila Howland turned in her notice after someone sang an off-key of “Oh Sheila” to her for the 729th day in a row.