LOS ANGELES — Local punk Corey Lambert awoke in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after realizing that the devastating Los Angeles wildfires could inspire Red Hot Chili Peppers to make new music, sources who ringa-dinga-donged the donga-dong-bing-bong confirmed.
“Oh God, could it be true? Could the fires that devastated so much of LA prompt them to come back and do some sort of tribute song about California again? Haven’t we already been through enough? May God have mercy on us all,” said Lambert as he sat shivering on his bed in the dark. “They could be out there somewhere right now digging up even more recycled Parliament bass lines and laying down embarrassing rap bars about drought and Santa Ana winds or whatever. I may never sleep again.”
Red Hot Chili Peppers singer Anthony Kiedis says that while the band has not officially decided to make new music he has been in the process of writing lyrics for a song about the wildfires.
“The fires were pretty crazy, man, but it has sparked some new creativity in me. I can already hear the songs forming in my head. I could see us really branching out from our typical tracks about California to all new styles of songs about the Golden State we’ve never done before,” said Kiedis. “So far I was thinking of like some soft ballad called ‘California-burna-fication.’ Or maybe a funky new jam to honor the brave firefighters called ‘Funky Flame-a Flicka Flicka Fire Fighter.’ I think they would really appreciate our gift of music to them.”
Los Angeles City councilman Janice Carlisle says in addition to fears of new music from the band she has concerns that it could possibly lead to a benefit concert.
“What we on the city council are troubled by is the possibility of the Red Hot Chili Peppers staging a benefit concert or worse yet a full blown festival,” said Carlisle. “The residents of this city have suffered enough and I can’t in good conscience allow the Chili Peppers along with other past-their-prime LA acts like Jane’s Addiction, or Guns N’Roses, or God help us Weezer play an overwrought, unnecessary ‘benefit’ festival. We might as well just let the whole city burn at that point.”
At press time, Lambert was reportedly awakened again with the realization that the current political climate could inspire System of a Down to write new music.