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Outraged Parent Finds New Blink-182 Album In Child’s Candy

POWAY, Calif. – Local mother Faye Leidersman was horrified after finding a copy of Blink-182’s new album ‘One More Time’ in her child’s bag of Halloween candy, sources confirmed.

“What on Earth is this world coming to?” asked a breathless Leidersman while holding up a deluxe vinyl edition of Blink-182’s latest record that was found in her son’s Trick or Treat basket. “I really thought we were past this as a society. I gave it a listen and the production was all off. How many compressors did they use? I won’t raise a child to think that even a little auto-tune is okay. Everything’s so pitch corrected on this record that Mark and Tom basically sound like the same person. It’s ridiculous. Who would do this? Where’s the humanity?”

Local Block Captain of the Neighborhood Watch program, Ned Kline, was aghast to hear of reports of candy being tampered with, vowing to never let it happen again.

“I’ve always been more of a Boxcar Racer guy. Even Angels and Airwaves had some tracks I wouldn’t mind my children listening to,” explained a clearly frazzled and dissatisfied Kline. “This new Blink, though… it’s really, as the kids would say, not for real, no cap. Did I say that right? Either way, I will deadass make sure that for as long as I live, no child will have to unsuspectingly suffer through such a blatant nostalgia grab as this one again. On God.”

Tom DeLonge is pleased that Blink-182’s new marketing campaign has proven successful.

“We wanted to make a statement about our growth and Mark’s battle or whatever, but we realized our core message was missing,” said DeLonge while threatening to send dick pics to our moms. “We’ve always tried to piss off parents, but now our demographic is pretty much all starter families. We had to think of something, so what better idea than hiding our underwhelming reunion album in Halloween candy? This was way better than my original idea of giving kids Blink-182 branded laxatives, at least.”

At press time, Green Day was seen developing Easter egg shaped USB drives containing mp3s of their upcoming album.