SCOTTSDALE, Ariz. — A new study from Arizona State University revealed that local radio station 92.5 The Scorpion has not been the only one that rocks, despite their bold on-air claims of such, stunned sources confirmed.
“In fact, we’ve discovered a good 237 other FM stations in the area that rock equivalently or even slightly more so in some cases,” said airwave radio scientist Radha Unjit after performing a basic litmus test to confirm their findings. “Our study concluded that the Scorpion has played the likes of Hoobastank and Nickelback, so the bar was set rather low. If the station is able to up their game and throw in some Alice In Chains or even the radio-friendly Metallica stuff, empirical evidence points to them actually turning the corner and rocking. In conclusion, these guys are lying sacks of shit.”
Disgraced 92.5 Scorpion DJ Jax Orlando shared his thoughts on the controversial research.
“The station managers give us the playlist and we pop it on. Blame them for us playing wall-to-wall Puddle of Mudd,” said Orlando who was forced to put on Alien Ant Farm’s “Smooth Criminal” for the third time this hour against his will. “We have a community of listeners that are hurting and we want to hear from them. And give them the opportunity to win tickets to see Trapt at the Brickstone Lodge on October 3rd. The seventh caller will win a pair of tickets to the show. Unfortunately, we’re still waiting for our first caller on that.”
Understandably, the news has rocked local residents of the area.
“Any time I started to lose signal I would just turn the radio off and drive in silence because I only listen to alternative rock and thought that was the only radio station in the country that played that kind of music,” said Chad Radcliffe, a local vacuum cleaner repairman. “So the fact that this whole time I could have been listening to ‘Smells Like Teen Spirit’ elsewhere followed by whatever music Papa Roach is making now, all while driving across county lines is upsetting. But I guess you just can’t believe everything you hear on the radio these days.”
At press time, researchers were quick to start a new study to reveal whether the station was, in fact, our nation’s “Home of the Rock.”