WASHINGTON — The National Archives released an overwhelming collection of previously classified documents this morning proving that the moon landing from The Smashing Pumpkins’ “Tonight, Tonight” music video was faked, incredulous sources confirm.
“It is a great day when truth prevails against the lies told by powerful men, and today is perhaps the greatest day I’ve ever known,” said Melanie Collins, National Archives Director of Communications and Marketing. “In these 18,000 pages there exists insurmountable evidence that what has been fed to us since 1996 is little more than a fabrication used to win half a dozen MTV Video Music Awards. No spaceflight records from any government agency, that one guy in the video clearly being voice actor extraordinaire Tom Kenny, and does anyone else see the resemblance to that movie ‘Le Voyage dans la Lune’ by Georges Méliès? Seriously, it’s like a straight-up copy.”
The Smashing Pumpkins frontman Billy Corgan provided his own side of the story.
“Years ago, our group created a falsehood that was ultimately very lucrative for my career, but I’d like to point out that it wasn’t my fault,” said Corgan while recording James Iha’s guitar track himself. “Those blowhards over at NASA were unwilling to compromise for my vision and wanted to have a team of so-called ‘professionals’ man the spacecraft from launch to landing. I would have had no input whatsoever in that scenario, so we had to settle with what ended up giving us a kind of worldwide recognition that has never once negatively impacted my mental health. And no, I will not be returning these trophies.”
Despite both the documentation and the testimony provided by the band themselves, some fans still remained skeptical.
“It honestly feels like the guys denying the moon landing are in the makings of a cult,” said lifelong fan Dominic Herrera, ironing a Homerpalooza t-shirt between swigs of Madame ZuZu’s Emperor’s Mint Meritage tea. “For decades, denialists have asked questions like, ‘How could they breathe up there without any helmets?’ or, ‘Do you really think the moon has a face, you idiot?’ and it pisses me off. Why can’t they just accept the first-hand experiences of the people that were actually there? Billy would never lie to us—I mean, except for today. But he had to do that to keep the peace.”
At press time, Corgan was heard saying that the video’s underwater segments were totally legitimate and that the octopus actually played drums for them when Jimmy Chamberlin briefly left the band.