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Man Asks Opening Band If He Can Borrow Setlist

BRISTOL, Va. — The Eyeballs frontman Mike D’Ontario reportedly asked the opening act at a local show last night if he could borrow their setlist about five minutes before his band was supposed to perform, sources confirmed.

“Look, traffic was real bad on the way here, and I didn’t really have time to go home and write a few songs… so it’d be a big help if anybody could help me out, and let me use their songs after they’re done playing,” D’Ontario said. “They already have them here, so I don’t see why that’s such a big deal.”

Naomi Menes, frontwoman of opening band Yards of Rage, was perplexed by D’Ontario’s request.

“He asked me if he could borrow a kick drum at first, which was no big deal,” Menes explained. “But then he asked to borrow our synthesizer, too. I told him we didn’t have one, so he disappeared for 30 minutes… and when he came back and asked to borrow our bassist, I asked him if he brought anything to the show. He just said, ‘Not really, dude.’”

In addition to trying to borrow virtually everything needed for his set, D’Ontario allegedly then asked Menes if he could borrow her band’s setlist “…when you’re done using it.”

“I thought he was joking. But then he wouldn’t shut the fuck up about traffic or something, and said he only had two songs ready, and was ‘still working’ one of them,” said Menes. “‘Still working?’ The show started 45 minutes ago. The fuck?”

When questioned about the incident, however, D’Ontario’s bandmates expressed little surprise.

“Yeah, one time in Maine, he made us wait outside a music festival while he asked a bunch of random people walking in if he could borrow their performance slot,” said bassist Trey Lannister. “I got loitering charge from that.”

Ultimately, though, Menes kindly obliged D’Ontario’s request.

“I let him take the setlist, but I’m not sure what he’s going to do with it,” she said. “He’s been borrowing our songwriting style for years, anyways, so I’ll just take it as flattery. Fucking freeloader.”

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