MINNEAPOLIS — Super Bowl LII halftime show headliner Justin Timberlake asked league officials today if his friend’s band can “jump on the bill” on Sunday, high-ranking NFL sources confirmed.
“Justin’s friend started this ‘rad, new project,’ I guess. Justin said his friend could use all of his equipment, and promised it wouldn’t be a big deal at all and that the guy is a ‘really solid dude,’” said NFL Players’ Union president Eric Winston. “He said they’d be a great fit for the show. You know — cool sound, great dance moves, not too political.”
Some league executives, however, were skeptical to let a complete unknown on such a prestigious stage.
“We always want to provide an atmosphere for football-loving America to stand up and shake their groove thing. Unfortunately, we simply don’t know if some random guy busting a move can accomplish that,” said NFL commissioner Roger Goodell. “Our venue has a strict ‘no nudity’ policy, and we had to kick Justin out of his last show for violating that policy. I know he said it was an accident, but I still don’t really trust him… or any of his friends. Keep in mind, we’re expecting an all-ages crowd.”
Meanwhile, music critics who have criticized the NFL for selecting such a “safe” choice for the halftime show supported the inclusion of unknown, up-and-coming opener.
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“Timberlake is just another softball act for midwestern moms to feel a slight tingle in their Wranglers,” said Tomas Linheim, singer of gore-metal act Obstructed Abortion. “The NFL should embrace chaos and let someone new get exposed to the masses. My band is available anytime — the NFL just has to fly us out and give us some money for booze. We’ll find our own place to stay.”
However, Timberlake remains optimistic about his friend opening for him.
“My boy would be so amped,” said Timberlake before a scheduled rehearsal. “He could really use the exposure. His last show only drew, like, 10 people. But the Super Bowl halftime show usually gets a pretty good crowd — it may only be like 65,000 in person, but it could be up to 100 million watching at home if word-of-mouth is good.”
Despite the interest in Timberlake’s proposal, most experts believe the NFL will stick with its original plan to open the show with 30 minutes of mediocre football.
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Article by Steve Bennett.