LOS ANGELES — Local couple Debbie Yolander and Brian Guyson sustained mild concussions yesterday after guests at their Weezer-themed gender reveal party hurled copies of the Blue Album at them in celebration.
“We’re huge Weezer fans, but forgot that the corners of jewel cases can be moderately sharp, especially when 25 of your best friends are whipping them at you at full speed,” said Yolander while applying several adhesive bandages to her spouse’s nicked up forehead. “Honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing… except I probably would’ve gone with digital download codes instead of their heavier, physical CD counterparts. Sure, we probably should’ve learned our lesson from our previous kid’s reveal party when vinyl copies of ‘Pinkerton’ were dropped from a trapdoor in the ceiling. My husband had to wear an eyepatch for a month when one scratched his cornea, and my knee still hurts when it rains, but it was all worth it.”
Friends of the couple had mixed feelings about the celebration.
“Overall, I thought the whole thing was tacky, especially when the couple made everyone guess the gender by making us wear shirts with either Buddy Holly or Mary Tyler Moore on them,” said Jared Schlesinger, a guest who also mentioned several times that Weezer’s non-singles were far superior. “And sorry to be that guy, but Weezer’s first album is actually just self-titled, and only colloquially known as the Blue Album. Also, ‘Pinkerton’ isn’t pink. So, canonically-speaking, this gender reveal idea doesn’t track. I honestly thought everyone would be more receptive to me calling that out several times throughout the party.”
Experts have seen these gatherings routinely getting more specific.
“Gender reveal parties need to be one-of-a-kind in order to maximize engagement and likes on Instagram,” said party planner Sarah Forgatton. “And the more dangerous the reveal, the better. Look no further than that one that started a wildfire that’s probably still ablaze. Stuff like that will put the whole country on notice and get everyone talking about your baby, which is obviously the prime objective of these events.”
At press time, the couple were asking a paint expert at Home Depot to accurately match the color on Weezer’s Green Album, so they could use it to paint their future son’s room.