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ICU Needs to Be Re-Sterilized After Insane Clown Posse Make-A-Wish Visit

TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — A recent Make-A-Wish visit by members of the Insane Clown Posse, to survivors of what the media is calling “The Great Tallahassee Airshow Disaster,” left the city’s General Hospital’s intensive care unit an absolute biome of infectious diseases, which had to be re-sterilized, sources who are normally used to this kind of thing confirmed.

“After that terrible accident, we really thought the survivors could use some cheering up — and who would be better to cheer up some newly limbless Flordians than ICP!” explained attending physician Gloria Kerwald. “But between the Faygo spray, grease paint smears and near-solid smog of fecal mist those guys swarmed through here with, it may just be easier to tear the whole building down and rebuild from scratch. If anything it’d be cheaper than the alternative.”

Insane Clown Posse member Violent J commented on the recent visit, which has reportedly left the local hospital’s ICU “in a state so foul it would make God himself want to sterilize heaven out of pure fear.”

“When the posse makes a wish come true, we do it not just with love, but also with great brutality. However, we are sorry that all of that hepatitis-J somehow got into the hospital’s ventilation system. That was totally unintentional,” explained Violent J while snorting a combination of Sudafed and crushed-up Certs. “I still think the most important thing is that we did actually help brighten those airshow fuckers’ hospital stay regardless of how we left the conditions of the ICU. I mean, after you’ve had two-thirds of you fed through a cessna propeller mid-flight, a little bit of dirt is the least of your worries.”

Make-A-Wish spokesperson Camille Benson detailed the organization’s newly implemented hygiene standards following ICP’s visit.

“All Make-A-Wish participants have to understand how magnets work… that’s it, that’s all we’re doing,” said Benson, who is clearly just trying to be fired already. “What the hell were you expecting? Everyone wears biohazard suits over scuba masks the whole time? Hospitals are covered in disease already — all we’re trying to do is help people who have been horribly disfigured by mispiloted zeppelins to forget that for like fifteen minutes. This ICP incident is almost as bad as that time we let that folk punk band do a Make-A-Wish here. We’re still trying to get their stench out of our one and only MRI machine.”

At press time, the ICU had been placed under quarantine for a newly discovered outbreak of “mega-gonorrhea.”